Procrastination Station

If you know me at all…and those of you who’ve read these posts I would say know me pretty well…then you must know that I’m the Procrastination Queen.  If I haven’t stressed that enough in these lines, then just trust me on this.  I put off the most ridiculous things and then stress about them.  It’s almost as though I am so used to stress, that I’m more comfortable in stress mode, and do things to purposely remain in that state.  What if, one day, everything was kosher and I didn’t have a valid reason to be stressed out?  What then?  I don’t think I’ve ever really experienced that before, and so I wouldn’t know what to do.  So, I continue to put off things so that I can remain in a constant state of worry. 

I consider myself to be a pretty open minded person.  I read a lot of books about how the human mind ticks, self-help books and the like.  I’m pretty sure that I know the steps I should consciously take to correct this problem, and yet, I do nothing.  It’s like a a time-bomb that I could dismantle if I really wanted to, but the sound of the ticking comforts me in all it’s glorious consternation.  I know this sounds illogical, but I really think that this is how my mind works.  If I have this stupid stuff to focus on, then maybe I don’t have to focus on the big stuff.  Or maybe, you say, I’m just lazy.

I don’t consider myself lazy.  In general, I do not sit around and do things like watch television to prevent myself from doing the “Big Thing” on my mind at that moment.  I do every other possible thing I could do.  Even things that I don’t particularly like doing, I will do just to have an excuse not to do the Big Thing.  A couple of weekends ago…when I had prepped my mind to go through the mountains of paperwork in my bedroom and get it organized (Big Thing), I cleaned my house first, and when I was done with that and had nothing really more to do, other than the Big Thing, I resorted to cleaning out my kitchen cabinets, scrubbing the ceiling and walls in my kitchen and re-organizing the dishes and things inside the cabinets.  Was that something that I really wanted to do?  No.  Did it need to be done?  Sure, whose doesn’t?  But it kept me busy just long enough to make the Big Thing disappear into the back of my mind.  And I still haven’t done the Big Thing. 

Sometimes the Big Thing is not a big thing at all.  Sometimes it’s something simple, like going to the bank or stopping to get gas.  Seriously.  It’s like my mind randomly selects which tasks it’s going to blockade, with no real rhyme or reason to it.  Currently, that random thing is returning books to the library.  They are overdue.  I’m not telling you how overdue they are, but trust me, it’s ridiculous.  I find a little comfort in the fact that there is a maximum fine per book, but I’ve no idea what that maximum is.  I’m sure I could’ve bought the damn books by now. 

Aside:  One of the books I checked out was “Have a New Kid by Friday.”  I raced home and immediately began reading it, for obvious reasons.  One of the author’s major points in this book is that you are not to repeat yourself to your children, because this offends them as it implies that they did not understand you the first time.  So, let’s say your 4 year old wants a second piece of cake, you say “No” once and walk away.  And that’s the end of it.  Right?  Wrong!  The author does not take into account that children are not static creatures.  They will follow you around and continue to ask for the cake.  I can’t believe this guy got a book deal!  A more realistic book about how to raise your children should be written by someone who’s not afraid of being looked upon as a child abuser.  It’s okay to spank your children, people.  It gets their attention.  Trust me on this.  You can even call them “beatings” because that word really makes an impression.  You don’t actually beat them.  You just threaten to beat them, and then if that doesn’t work, you spank them and then they think they’ve gotten a beating, and they stop sticking the fork in the outlet.  If this does not work the first time, then rinse and repeat.  I suppose this would be more like a pamphlet, because this is all you really need to know.  Oh, and make sure they brush their teeth.

Sorry.  I needed to say that, since I was talking about the books.

When I do mess up and actually accomplish a Big Thing, I feel GREAT afterwards.  So, why wouldn’t I want to have THIS feeling all the time?  Why is my mind wired so screwy?  How can I be conscious of all of this, and still continue to act this way?  Why not just be an adult and do this stuff?  Maybe it’s my subconscious’ way of rejecting adulthood and responsibility. 

Does anyone else put this much thought into their habits and short comings?  Or am I just way out there on this one? 

I’ve gotta go now.  I need to get to the Library.


About zohrbak

Zohrbak is an old email username I had a while's a made-up twist on two characters from Spaceghost. Zorak and Brak. I'm a geek. I am a married, working mother of 4 children, ages 4-15. I also have interests outside of my children, but I can never remember what they are.
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18 Responses to Procrastination Station

  1. Sheri says:

    This is me. It goes right along with being a few minutes late all the time. And knowing the problem, AND the solution, doesn’t make a damn bit of difference lol.

    • zohrbak says:

      Thanks for voluntarily putting yourself in the same screwed up boat as me. There is power in numbers. But we will never get around to using this power. Lol.

  2. Denise Adams says:

    Z, I just started reading your blogs….I love it girl! Very amusing, funny & so true!

  3. Aimee says:

    On this topic, my response could be very long and somewhat intense. lol. I don’t really stress, per se, about the actual things I need to do. And I don’t really procrastinate purposely, I AM good at doing the stuff that needs to get done. I tend to, however, put some sort of crazy value on the chores at hand, sort of like triage, and make a list. I start out my days very motivated, in control of the list, and so I set out doing them, checking the items off of the list. My problem happens when get tired of doing stuff that isn’t fun & I totally lose interest in the chores AND completeing the list. Not so abnormal, right? Well, here’s where I get weird. I have a very intense loathing for laziness. An obsession really. I feel horribly guilty if I am NOT doing SOMETHING useful, something that I deem important. (which usually is the list) For example, lets say I’ve decided that I need to do something very very simple, ordinary and mundane, like …the dishes (which of course at my house becomes a mountain daily. Cups mostly. But this is a tangent). So, lets say, I am merrily doing dishes and decide mid-way through them that I am sick of doing dishes. So, I stop and sit down at the computer (to read blogs and such. lol). Well, first of all, while I am at the computer, I am doing horrible things to myself in my mind. Saying terrible things. LOL. And, honestly, at that point, if someone, even one of the kids who couldn’t care ANY less about what I am doing, or whether the dishes are or arent done the whole month, were to come walking in, I would literally have to get up from the computer and finish the dishes. And I’d continue to berate myself about why I couldn’t have just finished them to begin with and THEN gotten on the computer.

    So, I generally just try to do my stuff to avoid the guilt of having been doing something unnecessary. Geez. Retard.

    I think we need margaritas. Then I’ll come help you do the Big Thing. I’ll put it on my list.

  4. Pat says:

    I believe this trait is directly related to “default face”. It’s genetic. Again, sorry . I love you both (Aimee, maybe you spent too much time at our house)

  5. Ryan says:

    I’ll post a comment a little later.

  6. Jennifer says:

    Did you get this post out of the book of my life?? Wow, very well explained for those who do not suffer from this “disability”, as I call it.

    • zohrbak says:

      Thanks, Jenn…it’s comforting to know that I’m not the only basket case in the world.

      • zohrbak says:

        Ha ha! Your hubby sounds like my dad. At one time, we had three teenagers in the house at once. He sat under a drippy vent in a Burger King once, and instead of moving, just placed a pile of napkins on his head to catch the water, and smiled big while continuing to eat. I thought my older brother and sisters were going to die!!

        Thanks for reading and commenting…I’m gonna go check out your blog too.

  7. ChaseK8 says:

    I too am the Queen of living in stress and i can relate to you saying it’s like you are so used to stress that you better function in stress mode…I am the same way..if there is nothing to stress about, i will create something. It really is strange, but I find I do get more done this way, and the things I am pushing aside clearly can not be that important right????

  8. Pingback: This is my life…on a constant “loop”… « Zohrbak's Blog

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