My jacked up feet

I have bunions.  You might have thought that only old people have bunions, but, while I can arguably be called old now by some people, I have been blessed with these things since I was very young.   What are bunions, you may ask?

Wikipedia defines it as follows:  A bunion is a structural anomaly of the bones and the joint between the foot and big toe, and it may be painful.  A bunion is an enlargement of bone or tissue around the joint at the base of the big toe (metatarsophalangeal joint). The big toe may turn in toward the second toe (angulation), and the tissues surrounding the joint may be swollen and tender.

In layman’s terms, I have jacked up feet. 

As a result of my jacked up feet, I have to be very particular about what shoes I wear.  I have, therefore, worn the same sandals for the past 4 years. I’ve purchased 5 pairs so far.  When they stop making this style, I guess I will be out of luck.  In the winter, I am forced to wear shoes that will inevitably cause my feet to hurt, and by 5:00, I generally limp home, throw the shoes as far away from me as I can, and put on my sandals. 

I used to be jealous of people who could wear cutesy tootsie shoes and heels and such.  Now, I realize that while some people think that my feet are deformed (and they are right) no one has acknowledged the fact that women who are able to float around like a gazelle while wearing a pair of 3 inch stilletos clearly have some sort of deformity.  It’s so obvious that there must be some sort of calf length/foot length ratio distortion that results in  the angulation of the foot, requiring the insertion of an object of adequate length to allow the person’s heel to be supported when the foot attempts to make contact with the floor. 

Consequently, when these bella donnas are not wearing their heels, they are wabbling around on their tippie-toes like drunk ballerinas.  They can’t possibly be able to walk in a regular, flat pair of shoes.  It’s just not humanly possible.

Maybe I don’t have it so bad. 

Please do not comment to this post if you take the position that you can walk in both heels and flat shoes, as this will spoil the scenario I have fabricated in my mind to justify my jacked up feet.


About zohrbak

Zohrbak is an old email username I had a while's a made-up twist on two characters from Spaceghost. Zorak and Brak. I'm a geek. I am a married, working mother of 4 children, ages 4-15. I also have interests outside of my children, but I can never remember what they are.
This entry was posted in Humor and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to My jacked up feet

  1. annette says:

    Another family trait, eh?

    • zohrbak says:

      Yeah. Did this beauty travel down your branch of the family tree as well?

      • annette says:

        Aunt Helen had horrible feet. I’d even call them borderline deformed. My feet are okay. I inherited the other beauty trait – varicose veins.

      • zohrbak says:

        Everytime I think about Aunt Helen I remember how super dooper clean her house was all the time. And that terranium. I was FASCINATED by that thing when I was little, and I don’t remember how long it was there, but it was such a big deal to me. Do you remember that thing? I can’t get that out of my mind.

  2. quaid says:

    I’ve had flat feet all my life, so my mom used to tell me that I wouldn’t be able to go into the military. Imagine my relief! Of course now that’s a moot point, what with the whole DADT issue.

  3. I love you! I’ll tell you what, I have jacked up feet but forced myself to wear cute shoes forever – now, after being a stay at home mom for a couple of years, all I do is go barefoot or, when forced, wear my tennis shoes.

    You go girl!

  4. Aimee says:

    Bunions. I don’t have any. I do have a lot of cutsie tootsie (I love the term cutsie tootsie) shoes. I wear them like 1% of the time. Personally, even without bunions, I hate confining shoes of any type. STilletos are stupid. Really, who thought of that??? Perhaps cavewomen with a need to reach the berries which grew 5 inches higher than the rest?

    Actually, I really love flip flops. They are the most fabulous, perfect shoes of all time. My slippers are fluffy puffy flip flops. I have flip flops with tennis shoe type soles, which are very comfy on days where I’m gonna walk alot, plastic flip flops for swimming etc, various other pairs in many styles and colors and even flip flops that are dressy and have heels. I loves me some flops. I hope they don’t go outta style. I’d hate to be like my Dad and my father-in-law who now wear crocs all the time (my dad wears his with his Carhardt overalls, both of which he wears daily) bc they both swear they are the best shoes ever and have THOSE in 5 colors even though they went out of style like 2 years ago.

    • zohrbak says:

      I love flip flops too…my sandals are mostly flippity floppities, since they have no backs, and there’s a strip of leather that goes between my toes…but they have a really good supportive sole…most flip flops are too flat for me.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s