Confession Thursday is Here!


Confession Thursday is here even though you guys didn’t give me a standing ovation over the proposal of this idea. However, be advised that participation is key. If there is no participation, then this will, sadly, be the first and LAST Confession Thursday you will see here.

I’ll start us off. Here goes.

I have, since a young age, been blessed with a very professional sounding telephone voice. This really came in handy all those years in junior high and high school before we started drinking, and all we had to do for fun was prank call people. However, my biggest prank call was made in college.

My suite-mate had been dating a guy who she found out had been cheating on her. With numerous people. A certifiable Man Whore. Our close-knit college group of four (girls) plotted our revenge, and set up my phone’s answering machine to record the conversation.

I called Mr. ManWhore, since he didn’t know me and wouldn’t recognize my voice. We will call him “Brad” (I don’t think that was his real name, but if it is it’s mere coincidence.) Here’s my recollection (it’s only been 17 years, give me a break) of how the conversation went:

“Hello, may I speak to Bradley ManWhore?”
“This is he.”
“Oh, okay. Hi Brad. My name is Julie. I’m with the Student Health Center.”
“Okay.”
“I’m calling you with some pretty sensitive information. Do you have a minute to talk to me right now, or should I call you back at another time?”
“No, uh, I can talk now.”
“Okay. Brad, I got your name from a list provided to me another student who was treated here this past week. She provided us a list of all of her previous sexual encounters because the CDC requires us to get this information from one of our students when a diagnosis is made.”
“Uh, what? What are you talking about now?”
“Brad, I am trying to make you aware that you may have…well, more than likely, have been exposed.”
“Uh, who is this…I mean, that gave you my name?”
“Oh, I’m sorry, Brad, I’m not at liberty to give you that information. It would be a violation of her right to privacy to do that.”
“Uh, okay. But what is it, now, that you are saying? Exposed?”
“Well, yes, exposed, Brad. She provided us with a list so that we could contact those who may have been exposed so that they could follow up and get tested, inform all of their sexual partners…do you understand?”
“Uh, yeah, I think so. But, what, I mean, what is the exposure to, exactly?”
“Well, Brad, I’m sorry to tell you this, but one of your recent sexual partners has tested positive for HIV.”

Dead silence.

“Brad, are you there?”
“…Yeah, I’m here.”
“Do you understand what I’m telling you?”
“Uh, yeah, I think so.”
“Brad, you need to call and schedule an appointment here at the Student Health Center or your own private physician to get tested. Your information is confidential, so even the staff here at the Student Health Center will not be aware of your exposure and will do the testing without any knowledge of our conversation. Now, you should also be aware that may test negative but still be a carrier, so you need to inform all of your recent sexual partners of their need to get tested, and you would be wise to inform any perpective sexual partners of the risk.”

Again. Silence. Not even breathing on the other end of the line.

“Brad? Are you there?”
“Uh, okay. Yeah, okay. I get it.”
“Okay, Brad, you call us if you have any questions, okay? Do you have our extension?”
“Yeah, I got it.”
“Okay, you have a great day!”

I swear to you that this is a true story, and that Bradley ManWhore bought it hook-line-and-sinker. We listened to that tape over and over for two or three days, just in awe of our perfect plan. I think we burned it after that, because we were terrified he’d find out what we did.

Your turn.

Advertisements

About zohrbak

Zohrbak is an old email username I had a while back...it's a made-up twist on two characters from Spaceghost. Zorak and Brak. I'm a geek. I am a married, working mother of 4 children, ages 4-15. I also have interests outside of my children, but I can never remember what they are.
This entry was posted in Confession Thursday, Humor. Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to Confession Thursday is Here!

  1. Aimee says:

    Oh, shit. I don’t have any good stories like that one. Thats amazing. He probably still gets tested every year.

  2. annette says:

    I’ll have to do some thinking to do a “confession Thursday”. I’m sure I have a couple. I don’t think they are in the same realm as your’s though.

    By the way, that was pretty wicked.

    • zohrbak says:

      Yeah, we actually felt pretty bad about it when we realized that we actually pulled it off. But at some point I realized that since it totally could have been real, and since he was a lying cheating bastard, it was really more like a “public service” kinda deal. 🙂

  3. Pat says:

    As your mom, I say shame on you (because that’s the accepted response). As your friend, I say ingenious!

  4. Wendi says:

    My 10 yr old daughter thinks she has a tracking device in her belly button. SERIOUSLY. I told her once when she was little that she should never lie to me when she gets older b/c when she was born before the doctor tied her belly button he put in her a “tracking device”. I completely forgot about this & when we had our son in 2008, we were in the hospital and she says, “Mom, did they put in his tracking device so we don’t loose him?” People in our room looked at me, like what is she talking about and I’m like (here’s the look that says, just go along with me) and I’m like, Of course the doctor put his tracking device and don’t forget when you get your drivers license & you and your friends want to tell me where your “going” I’ll be able to turn on my computer and find you at any time of the day or night! SO, my fixing to be 11 yr old daughter thinks she has a tracking device in her belly…

    • zohrbak says:

      I say it’s a great idea that every child should be led to believe until they are like 21 and out of your house. Kinda like Santa Clause, but on a much broader scale! Thanks for participating, Wendi!

  5. Jenn says:

    Yes, I can verify the legitimacy of this story.
    Um, how could I forget that? Trust me I have tried. I felt so bad “after the fact” LOL! Wow…. that will also be my confession for today, I am glad to say I don’t think I ever topped that scheme! You were a good partner in crime!

  6. Jennifer says:

    Ok, okay I have one to share:

    One of my good friends in middle school was blind (Sally). So there were a group of girls that would often help her out but she managed well. One of the girls was being silly one day and Sally had to use the restroom. So she went into the stall and my silly other friend kept tapping on her feet from under the stall and Sally didn’t know who it was or what it was. Everyone including Sally thought it was funny, and to this day I still laugh about it when I think about it.

    I wouldn’t have thought it were funny if Sally didn’t… but I know it was not right.

    • zohrbak says:

      I see that you feel guilty about this…but I don’t think you should. Harmless fun. And if one of the “silly girls” would have been doing something like that just to laugh at her, then you surely would have punched them right in the face! I thought you were gonna say something like ya’ll locked her in the stall or something terrible like that! lol

    • Wendi says:

      I thought they were going to lead her into the boys’ restroom.

  7. Coyote says:

    You are awesome! Some people might say the trick was a little mean, but seriously, you might have scared that guy into being more careful and maybe even saved he and his other sexual partners from spreading something nasty.

    Our turn?

    I almost hate to tell this story, in case the person the trick was done on reads it and feels bad…

    Some friends and I used to be regulars at some festivals that occurred several times a year. They were a lot of fun, but one of the organizers (I’ll call him Shouting Guy) was very arrogant, loud, know-it-all, and abrasive. Very difficult to work with. Events often went into the wee hours (3-4AM) of the morning, but he felt people should get up early, so he’d bang pots and pans and use a megaphone at 5AM to wake people up for breakfast. He’d see people working (everyone attending would sign up to help out in various tasks), and go “supervise” them… usually resulting in things taking longer and being no fun. Once, he interfered with a person working a stove, who knew what they were doing, and caused an explosion.

    Our group were asked to organize one of the events – a rather complicated affair involving costumes, props, and lots of people. The event hosts loaned us a couple walkie-talkies to make things simpler (the property was forty or so acres, and running back and forth was not very efficient).

    So, apparently, the person holding one walkie-talkie had the wrong button down (or up), so that we could not hear Shouting Guy. So he stalked over to where we were, snatched the walkie-talkie away from the person holding it, and loudly (so everyone could hear) told us if we were too dumb or careless to use their equipment properly, he was taking it back. (Keep in mind, we were loaned this stuff to talk to each other, not to him).

    After a couple of hours of running back and forth across this huge property with messages, I got tired of it. I went to Shouting Guy, and asked it we could pretty please have another chance to use the walkie-talkie, and we’d sure be careful to work it properly this time. He snarled something about “Okay, you get one more chance… don’t screw up.”

    Ha ha.

    So I tuned the walkie-talkie to the channel used by the even coordinators and security team, and set the talk button to stay on.

    Then I walked around to everyone I could find who was running an event or had been coming to festivals for a long time, and I asked them “Hey, what do you think of that guy Shouting Guy? Ever had any problems with him?” (I didn’t reveal the walkie talkie, because I wanted candid comments).

    Needless to say, the festival organizers, including Shouting Guy got treated to about 45 minutes worth of people complaining, bitching, and recounting tales of how he was rude, obnoxious, know-it-all, and caused countless problems.

    Then we did our event which was well-received. I found Shouting Guy, and offered him the walkie-talkie back.

    To his credit, he looked completely ashamed, and barely mumbled a “thanks.” After that, he was actually a _lot_ more reasonable and polite to people.

    • zohrbak says:

      Great story…sounds like he needed to be put in his place to me. And thank goodness it didn’t backfire on you!!

      Thanks for sharing…participation is the key to Confession Thursday. If you don’t share…then you are just a hover-er-er-er. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s