It’s Thursday…and you know what that means…

Confession Thursday has already rolled around again.  I don’t know about you guys, but I’m running out of confessions that I’m willing to share.   I’ve been wracking my brain for days.  Some are too mild, and therefore are boring…maybe suitable for a conversation over coffee, but not up to my standards for a blog post.  On the other hand, some are downright unprintable.  *blush*

But none of them involve me putting icy-hot on the ceiling of my parent’s bathroom when I was a kid, although they want so badly (for nearly 30 years) for me to admit that I either did it or I know who did.  Let it go, guys.  Really.  🙂

Here’s the only one that I can think of that is actually a confession in every sense of that word.   It’s a good thing that my ground rules require that you readers cannot pass judgment on Confession Thursday, because this one is rather hard to admit.

I sometimes fantasize about getting in my car and running away from everything.  It’s not depression, despair, psychosis or mental illness.  It’s not that I hate my family or my friends, or am otherwise dissatisfied with my life.  I’ve had these thoughts since I was a teenager.  Specifically, in this fantasy, I take a few clothes and a toothbrush, and get in my car and drive to Topeka, Kansas.  I start a new life with a new identity.  I become a waitress at a cafe, and my daily life revolves around the simple conversations and interactions with the customers there.  There is no drama, no relationships, no pressure, no stress. 

I think it’s interesting that this fantasy started long before I had children.  Apparently I long for solitude.  Ironic, isn’t it, that I live in a house with 5 other people, a dog, and a cat?  Luckily, I was born with that gene that makes mothers stick around even when the going gets tough.  I would never abandon my children.  But as an aside, I think it’s unfair that men get to “choose” whether or not they are going to be fathers.  Mothers, whether we like it are not, are in it for the long haul.  Some men may take offense at that last statement. I don’t mean it as an insult, and in fact I acknowledge that the majority (?) of men make the right choices for their families.  But women don’t have those choices, as any mother who does walk away is the lowest form of life in our society.  I know that we are just wired that way, and we can’t help that this is just the way it is.  I’m not saying that women should be able to do so without judgment, I just think that men should be held to the same standards.  There’s a lot more pressure on mothers…is all I’m sayin’. 

On a completely unrelated note, I am having a tooth extracted this afternoon.  It’s not a simple extraction, it has to be broken up and my gum cut and pulled out piece by piece.  I will confess that I steer clear of dentists whenever possible, as I am scared shitless of them.  I’ve never been afraid of needles, shots, blood or surgery (generally).  But dental work? OMG. I’d rather have an insignificant organ removed…or a couple of ovaries…than have a tooth taken out of my head.  Did you know that teeth are connected to your jaw bone?  Like, CONNECTED connected.  Imagine having a bone pulled out of your body that’s connected to muscle and other bone.  That’s what having a tooth taken out makes me think about.  Wish me luck that I get through it without passing out or vomiting.  Thank you.

Now.  Dig deep.  Share something that you might not otherwise share.   It really makes me feel better to write this stuff down…and if anyone reading this judges me for it, then that’s really just your own problem, isn’t it?  lol


About zohrbak

Zohrbak is an old email username I had a while's a made-up twist on two characters from Spaceghost. Zorak and Brak. I'm a geek. I am a married, working mother of 4 children, ages 4-15. I also have interests outside of my children, but I can never remember what they are.
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12 Responses to It’s Thursday…and you know what that means…

  1. Aimee says:

    Topeka Kansas? Is that where Leonardo DiCaprio lives?

    Even if it is, there is nothing in Kansas. Nothing but grass. Oh, wait, there is some grass. But, I think everyone wants to run away for awhile. And sometimes I do. Not for long, obviously. I really really really feel like its IMPORTANT to do that. Sometimes life gets tough to “keep on swimming” through. It warps our sense of how good it really is. I find that if I get away for just a little while it brings the value back to the things I am SO tired of trying to maintain. I crave getting away to things I don’t normally do, bc it leaves me feeling GREAT, really GREAT, about what I do have, my kids, my husband, my family, my life in general. I dont have a specific fantasy about places I want to go, or whom I go with, or whatever. It kind of changes. Sometimes I want to do stuff alone, sometimes with girlfriends, sometimes just with Edious. It changes pretty regularly. I guess it depends upon what I am stressed about at the moment. I think that this is hard for married people, and parents being the jealousy issue and worry and with the kids you worry they wont get along without you. But I think when I get back from even a daylong “escape”, I am much more appreciative of even my husband and kids and always find the energy to wade through more of the life and do it with renewed enthusiasm. They need it as much as I do.

    *** oh, since this is a confession post, and as usual I have gone off track….. I admit I did eat Andy’s custard last Sunday afternoon. It was fantastic. 🙂

    • zohrbak says:

      I guess I don’t do that socially-acceptable escape thing nearly often enough. Maybe if I did, this fantasy would go away. No, probably not.
      And on another note…what kind of personal trainer eats frozen custard? You are motivating me to do bad things…not work out. lol

  2. quaid says:

    Oh dear, I have SO many…where to begin?

    I’ll pace myself. For today: Remember those talent shows they used to have at ASH? I worked the lights one year, and all I remember was this weird girl named Mary danced to some Teenage Mutant Ninja Turles song and Andrew Oliver told me to put green spotlights on her during her number. Anyway, I secretly wanted SO BAD to dress in drag and dance to Prince’s song “Cream.” Remember how dirty that song was? I loved it. Me, a young nerdy Pentecostal closet case homo, longing to get nasty on stage to that song. Trust me, I practiced it in front of my mirror at home plenty of times (sans drag, only because I had none).

    There you go.

    • YaYa says:

      Nice One Quaid!

    • zohrbak says:

      I faintly recall the green spotlights…I wish I could recall the weird girl named Mary. Cream was the nastiest song of our day, I think. This is an awesome confession because if you knew YOU in high school…people who do not know you would only appreciate the humor of this confession if there were a photo of you from high school attached. No matter whether you were ever a nerdy Pentecostal closet case homo…you’ve always been one of the coolest guys I’ve ever known. I’m so glad we reconnected at the last reunion. I can’t wait until the 20 year rolls around (in less than 2 years. OMG).

  3. YaYa says:

    I spent my high school summers in Houston with my cousins. I came from a small town, Thibodaux, and was sheltered in the ways of “weed”. My cousins, I’ll call them B & M liked weed and I was all, “Oh, I don’t do drugs!” So, I would watch them smoke and laugh at things I did not find funny. One day, I was cutting my uncle’s grass and he had a cigarette making kit. I used to help him roll is own cigarette, it was pretty cool. Anyway, I got the big idea to mess with my druggie cousins. So, I took some fresh cut grass, dried it out, added some oregano and a dash of cayenne and called B & M and told them I had stole some weed from one of our other uncles. It was like a Cheech and Chong joint, super fat!! My cousins were there before I hung up the phone and they were all like “cool” M lit it up took a drag, passed to B, he took a drag and then the cayenne kicked in. I laughed my ass off!!

    So, I eventually did give in to the curiosity and smoked a few joints in my past days and it makes me rock back and forth like some special ed kid in elementary school. NOT COOL!

    Also, I want to runaway all the time!

  4. Brandon says:

    Okay, I’m a sucker for helping blogs reach 3000 hits, so here you go.

    No, this isn’t the worst thing I’ve ever done, but I’m trying to stick with the time frame when people on this blog actually knew me. Here’s the best I could do off the top of my head:

    My first (and 2nd-worst) date was with a girl who worked with me at Chick-fil-A in the mall. We went to see Silence of the Lambs (bad start already, I know). So after the movie, I ask if she’s hungry. She is. So I take her to… Chick-fil-A in the mall.

    Now I will go on the record as saying that Chick-fil-A makes a very delicious sandwich that any lady should be honored to eat. But mostly, I just wanted to show off to everybody on the clock that Shannon was out with me.

    She was totally embarrassed to be paraded around like a trophy hooker, and she stopped taking my phone calls before quitting the job a little while later. But honestly, it was kind of worth it just to see Smitty the night manager give me the “awwwww hell yeah” smirk and nod.

    I’ll try to think of something juicier before next Thursday.

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