Behavior Choices :(


Little B got a note sent home from school last Friday, which, I, of course, did not see until Tuesday morning while getting ready for school.

“Please discuss with B the behavior choices that he is making at school.  I have had to counsel him several times this week about his behavior choices, and am constantly having to re-direct him.  Also, he has hit two of his classmates already.  The vice principal and the counselor have both discussed his behavior choices with him.  Please sign below and return.”

Oh.  My.  Goodness.  I have a folder somewhere with all the notes that Big E’s kindergarten teacher sent me.  They were long, detailed and awfully repetitive.  She could have summed it up for me easily, but instead, I was subjected to daily novel-length letters from a woman I hardly knew about how awful my kid was in school.  When Little B began having behavior “issues” last year, I read about 10 or so “behavior choices” notes before I finally asked her to put it in code for me.  His main behavior infraction was “hitting” but some days he had other issues.  He got so upset about all these notes going home every day, and the corresponding SAD FACES on that day on his folder calendar, that he would hide his tote bag from me before I got home from work…and when I would ask how his day was, and I’d get a long, low groany-moan in reply.  So, in an effort to make him feel better about school by taking every opportunity to point out his positive choices, I had the teacher divide each day into two different blocks, and give him a behavior grade AND a classwork grade.  For the behavior grade, if it was a sad face, I had her write a “1” after the sad face so that I would know that he was hitting.  This would result in no dessert or tv time that evening, since this was a pretty serious infraction.  When months passed, and this system failed to produce the desired results, despite my taking every opportunity to praise him for his good behavior and class work, and he continued to hit other kids at school, I gave the principal permission to paddle him.  I mean, because, really?  You are going to continue to hit other kids even though everyone has gone through all this trouble to make you feel better about your little self…really?  And after all, that’s generally the thing that I use at home when all other options have failed miserably, and someone needs to be reminded about who is supposed to be the boss.  However, the school (for reasons I cannot FATHOM) chose not to institute such measures, but continued to send home notes and call me to report his behavior.  So, from then on, I just ignored the notes and even one or two voicemails…to be completely honest.  I know that teachers don’t want to feel like they are running a daycare, but I cannot understand how they expect us parents to deal with daily issues that go on at school when we are not there.  The teacher is.  The teacher has to learn how to take control of a classroom and the kids in that classroom.  If moving a friggin’ stick from one slot to another slot isn’t enough incentive for any one kid to behave, then take it to the next level, muchacho.  I’m not asking you to fight a battle with one arm tied around your back.  I support you.  I’m doing what I can.  If neither is enough, then paddle his butt!

Okay.  I’m sorry about that.

Anyway, Little B got a behavior note.  It didn’t contain any details other than what I said earlier.  I have spoken to him about it.  He is not really excited about going to school everyday, as I am sure you gathered after reading Car Line Nazis about how I had to drag him out of the third row seat to go to school that day.  I am praying that things will look up for him soon.  I don’t want him to have a bad kindergarten experience.  I want him to have friends and learn how to function in a society which believes that you should have learned everything you ever needed to know about life while you are in kindergarten.  I want him to be happy.  But if that doesn’t happen real quick, I hope that his teacher grows a pair and takes control of this thing before it gets worse.

(May the force be with you.)

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About zohrbak

Zohrbak is an old email username I had a while back...it's a made-up twist on two characters from Spaceghost. Zorak and Brak. I'm a geek. I am a married, working mother of 4 children, ages 4-15. I also have interests outside of my children, but I can never remember what they are.
This entry was posted in bad kids, Humor, Parenthood, School, The Joys of Parenthood and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to Behavior Choices :(

  1. Pat says:

    You will undoubtedly get lots of hover-ers today, since no one can really give any advice. We don’t know what to say about it either except that we (I am including everyone on the face of the earth) want Ben to be happy and have a great Kindergarten experience right along with his biggest fan, which is you. Love ya

  2. Mary says:

    It will take a special teacher who really loves kids and wants Little B to do well because she can see how intellegent he is and will want to help him to see that school can be fun.

  3. Hi! I am a mother of two and a former Grade Two teacher with a lot of experience with children with learning and behavior problems. (I am not saying that Ben fits either of those categories — just getting my credentials out there).
    I gather that Little B is the 3rd of four children — is that correct? How are his older siblings doing at school? Is he the only boy? Does he have his birthday late in the year? How are his language skills coming along? How is his behavior at home or with other children outside of the school environment? Has he had temper tantrums in the past?
    I ask all these questions because I am trying to help you sort out whether B is having some of the fairly typical issues of young kids at school. I don’t want to just hover if I might be of some help.
    Maybe it’s hard to believe, but most teachers are in the education biz because they like kids. Honest!
    B has some perfectly good reasons for what he is doing. Trying to figure out what they might be would be a good start. It isn’t always the obvious.
    If you would prefer to reply privately, you can reach me at motherhensnest@hotmail.com.
    Sincerely,
    Jodi

    • zohrbak says:

      Hi Jodi!
      Thanks for the comment…non-hover-ers are always appreciated! Yes, Little B is the third of four children. Ages 15, 12, 5 (B) and 4. He and his sister have been spoiled by the rest of the family since they arrived. We do whatever makes them happy and keeps them from screaming. We have recently realized that this is probably not the best thing for all involved. They constantly compete with each other for attention. They fight their battles with one another with fists and fingernails. I’m not surprised that he’s hitting kids, because they hit each other so many times a day the shock factor wore off years ago. Any advice you could offer will be gladly accepted.

  4. Sheri says:

    I hear you. Not that I think everyone should go around spanking kids, but damn…really, what are you supposed to do huh? They have “talked” to a child about his “behavior choices” and it hasn’t helped. Helloooo….he’s a very smart boy, but he is also a very YOUNG boy. As in, not old enough to reason all this bad behavior=consequences out. I know many adults that are still struggling with this kind of reasoning lol.

  5. Ryan says:

    Bryson started K this year. As much forethought and planning that I would put into building a house, or planning a trip etc, I spent exactly ZERO time thinking ahead about how to handle behavior problems. So we were talking to him about his day at school one day last week, when he (accidentally?) mentioned a trip to the principal’s office. SCREEEEEECH!(sound of needle scratching across record). The entire kitchen went into slo-mo. His eyes got big and all teared up. Me and Ashley just stared at one another like “you got this?” Anyway, we fumbledicked through the situation and I think managed to not screw him up any more than we already have. I think that’s the best we can do- fumbledick through these things and focus on not screwing them up. They’re gonna be fine. Hope that didn’t sound like advice, that’s just what I’m gonna do.

  6. Aimee says:

    I will say that anytime I go into one of my childrens classrooms, I am once again convinced of several things:

    #1- All kids are bad. I don’t mean a deep dark terrorist bad. They are just all bad. They all do stuff to push their teachers, their parents and the public in general . I leave you with this bible verse:
    Proverbs 19:18
    Discipline your son, for there is hope; do not set your heart on putting him to death.
    lol….even God knows they are bad.

    #2- Teachers go into that field at a very young age, before they have any experience with them. That is also orchestrated by God. If it weren’t, I am convinced there would be none. Its one thing, to at age 18, to have babysat and spent time with nephews and cousins, and its another to be the other party, apart from parents, to be responsible for the futures of this child. They had no idea when they got their teaching degree that children are indeed as bad as they are. I would be insane, and I think they are too. I fully believe that after a day in a classroom of 5 yr olds, you would be writing frowny faces and bad notes to at least 50% of the kids in that class. Even if it wasn’t really all that bad on an individual basis, if you multiply the bahavior times say 25, it seems much much worse.

    I wouldn’t sit around worrying about Little B. Tell him to modify his behavior choices or else you’ll do something terrible. Try not to kill him, as Prov 19:18 says. I live by this verse. LOL.

    And do you really make dessert every night????

    • zohrbak says:

      Yes. They insist on a “treat” every night after supper. And none of them are fat. Go figure.

      Thanks for the proverb…I really like that. I’m gonna post it on my wall.

  7. Aimee says:

    Um, excuse the horrible grammar mistakes in this post. LOL.

  8. Rebecca Tisdale says:

    I think Aimee hit the nail on the head. and the behavior lady at motherhensnest. Hope your correspondence with her proved helpful.

    Spending all day with a room full of 5 year olds makes me shudder…………I picture my youngest grandchild—she of the willful personality and spoiled center of the universe attitude—multiplied by 25 and I feel my chest tightening up. Like ants crawling all over me.

    Now teenagers on the other hand, have that same effect on many adults. And indeed there have been years when I wanted to run away from school (or at least a particular class).

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