I have two major trust issues in my life, concerning things very close to my heart, that I tend to take for granted way too often.  It breaks my heart to have to disclose these chinks in my armour. The things that are affected by these two major “players” in my life are near and dear to my heart, and ever so important, but I only acknowledge thier respective importance when they fail me, which is of late a large problem in my life.  I depend on these things immensely and often–once per day, 6 days per week. 

The first one is my alarm clock.  The second one is the automatic drip timer on my coffee pot. 

Let me sum up the coffee pot deal real quick:  I can’t tell what time the clock is set for when I’m drowsy, so unless I set this up relatively early in the evening, I end up with either the clock time wrong, or the timer thingy wrong, and about once to twice per week, I awake to either NO coffee, or even worse, a pot that was brewed between 2 and 3 a.m.  This definitely cuts into the time that I schedule myself in the morning for ME.  ME TIME at my house is between 5:45 a.m. and 6:15 a.m.  If my coffee is not ready at 5:45, then the 8 minutes or so it takes for my coffee to drip reduces ME TIME to 22 minutes, which makes me ME TIME deficient for the entire day, and potentially into the rest of the week. 

Another way to become deficient in ME TIME:  Oversleeping. 

My long-time companion, a nameless faux-wood finish alarm clock that my parents purchased for me at Wal-Mart about twenty-years ago while I was still at home, finally bit the bullet about two months ago.  It didn’t have any fancy bells and whistles, but it did what I wanted to.  It buzzed when it was time to do so, and when I hit “snooze” it allowed me to sleep, by it’s grace, for a standard seven minute snooze period, after which it repeated it’s buzzing sound.  This could go on inevitably, until I chose to manually turn off the alarm, but to do so required me to be alert, so that I could manage to push two separate buttons, both of which required some force, in unison.  After all of our years together, after all the cursing and beatings this alarm clock endured under my care, it finally gave up. 

I went right out to purchase a new one.  I was kind of excited about it, having spent so many years looking upon the same old alarm clock.  This one I purchased at Target, for about fifteen bucks.  It’s a Sony “Dream Machine,” and came with some pretty cool features, I thought, BEFORE I began using it. 

Here’s the problems with it: 

Snooze time:  10 minutes.  I can’t adjust this to the standard 7.  Senseless.  I require–on average–3 snoozes.  To account for this, on my old alarm clock, I simply set the “TIME” ahead by 21 minutes.  Logically, you would think that this is pointless, and to an alert, awake person, that may be true.  But a drowsy, barely awake person is fooled by this every time.  However, 3 – 10 minute snoozes equals 30 minutes.  Try to set the time ahead 30 minutes on the pretentious “Dream Machine”…and guess what?  You can’t.  The time automatically sets itself.  With like some GPS magic stuff.  Seriously.  I don’t know how it works.  It’s magic. 

Also, I have had several bouts with hitting the snooze bar, and instead of the buzzing stopping, instead it is replaced by the loudest talk show radio program in the world.  Which scares the hell out of me, and then I either slap at it like I’m being attacked by a bear in my sleep, and thusly accidently turn “off” the alarm because it’s easily turned “off” with a simple twist of a knob, OR, I shoot straight out of the bed and rip the cord out of the wall to make it stop.  I’m up, but I haven’t been loftily awoken from my sleep like I was with my old alarm clock.  Dream Machine, my ass.

This morning, I was startled out of my sleep by a VERY LOUD TALK RADIO HOST.

I went to let the dog out at 6:00 a.m.  I noticed Tween C was lying on the couch in the den. I asked her what she was doing up. 

“I woke up really early this morning, and I thought there was a man standing in my bedroom shouting at me…it really freaked me out, and I couldn’t go back to sleep.” 

“Um.  Ooookaaayyyy.” (still half asleep, I didn’t quite make the connection…)

“No, seriously, mom…it wasn’t even like a dream, I really heard a man yelling out random stuff at me, something like…’YOU CAN’T BUY GROCERIES FOR CHEAP!’  I’m serious.  It really freaked me out.”

“Oh!  That was my alarm clock.”

So, there it is.  I don’t trust my coffee pot or my alarm clock.  I depend on them so much that their failures leave me feeling like I’ve been abandoned and left out in this cold world all on my own.  No matter how hard I try, I’ll always have a hard time trusting them from now on.


About zohrbak

Zohrbak is an old email username I had a while's a made-up twist on two characters from Spaceghost. Zorak and Brak. I'm a geek. I am a married, working mother of 4 children, ages 4-15. I also have interests outside of my children, but I can never remember what they are.
This entry was posted in Family, Humor, Parenthood, Uncategorized and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to TRUST ISSUES

  1. annette says:

    Richard doesn’t understand my alarm clock habits, perhaps I should have him read this blog.

    I set my alarm clock 20 minutes ahead so, if you look at the time, it’s 20 minutes faster than the real time. I don’t hit the snooze button so I’m not sure my rationale. I do know that if I set it for the normal time, I cannot seem to get my act together and be out the door on time. I’m also one of those people who like at least an 1 to 1 1/2 hours to get eat breakfast, drink coffe and look at the newspaper before addressing the whole natural beauty thing.

    I also have the obsessive-compulsive habit of checking my alarm clock at least twice to see if the alarm is set.

    I also am weirded out at the thougtht of my coffee pot being set with the water and coffee grounds in it eight or so hours before it brews. Can’t do it. I guess I’m old school. Speaking of old-school, remember Mamaw’s old-fashioned metal drip pot she kept on the stove?

    • zohrbak says:

      I used to get wigged out about the coffee sitting out in the open air (closed filter compartment) that I refused to fix the coffee pot the night before. Until I had four kids. At first, though, I washed and rinsed the coffee pot and filter holder thingy and let them dry completely before putting in the grounds and setting it up. This would, in my mind, result in much fresher coffee, should the grounds never get “wet” until the time for brewing. NOW? I half-ass wash/rinse/fill/sling water in the reservoir/slap a few buttons on the front/go to bed.

      I, too, require no less than 26 minutes of ME TIME prior to stepping foot into a shower or in any other manner removing the beastly-looking face and hair that my head has succumbed to during sleep. Even if I wake up late, I’m still not going to get in a big hurry until the expiration of this 26 minute period. Sorry co-workers and/or boss.

      Yes, I remember mamaw’s coffee pot. I wonder who has it now?

  2. YaYa says:

    I’ve had a love affair with the snooze button all my life, even as a child. I would hit the button until I heard the school bus pass our house and then I would get up and be ready in 10 minutes at the road. My parents would always fuss and then finally realized I never missed the bus so they left me alone. This habit has followed me through into adult hood and I can be dressed out the door in 20 minutes. The kids don’t seem to like “snoozing” b/c then I just yell at them to hurry up. When I’m snoozing YaHubby will yell my name from across the house and tell me it’s time to get up and I keep thinking maybe one day he’ll learn like my parents did????

    Coffee Pot – catch at the office and then I get mad if it’s not ready when I get there or all the coworkers drank all but 1/8 of the pot.

  3. Pat says:

    Coffeepot fixed night before. Alarm set for 6:05 AM (actual time) across the room. Plug in coffeepot, bathroom, pour two cups, bring to bed, turn off radio, turn tv on. Second cup 15 min later. Shower after. Get ready while hubby cooks breakfast…Life is good. Sorry.

  4. Mr Ray says:

    You need a clock radio like one I saw advertised. After about the second snooze this thing would engage wheels located on each side and run off onto the floor, around the room, under the bed, etc, etc. It would be screaming for you to get up. THE CHASE WAS ON !!! There was no way to know when or where you would catch it. But one thing was sure, like it or not, you–were–up!
    Now THAT would be something to see

  5. Ryan says:

    I was moved to a new position here at the oil mill in January. My boss gave me and my only coworker Kevin permission to come in one hour early since this job requires so much paperwork etc. So there it is, an extra few hundred dollars every paycheck just waitin to be made, all I got to do is get up and get to the plant at 6 instead of 7….guess what? Money apparently ain’t worth missing that last hour of sleep to me, cause I haven’t seen 6am in that plant more than about twice since January. Oh, I got the alarm clock set an hour earlier, but I just hit the snooze button about 8 times before I finally get up. I’m actually doing myself more harm because I’m neither getting the sleep nor making the money…think I’ll go ahead and admit defeat and set the alarm back to 6 am again.

    • zohrbak says:

      I’m glad this blog helped you to recognize your immense personal failure, which at least allows you to take the necessary steps to reap the benefit of your failure that you have heretofore been denying yourself.


  6. Aimee says:

    I cried with laughter. SEriously. this wasn’t a lol or lmao…so funny.

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