Behavior Choices Revisited: This kid is going to be the death of me.

I sent another email to Little B’s teacher yesterday, asking for something, ANYTHING about his progress (or lack thereof) with the behavior problems he was having at the start of the school year, status post our collaborative “PLAN”.

It went unanswered, once again.

But I did find two jewels in his backpack last night.  Let me share them with you, dear readers…

Item No. 1:  Sealed envelope labeled “To the Parents of…”

Contents:  Disciplinary write up form, which basically said that the bus driver corrected Little B for hitting a little boy on the bus on the way home day before yesterday, and afterward, when he thought that she wasn’t looking, he kicked the little boy.  One more referral to the office will result in a “bus suspension”. 

 Item No. 2:  Memo to Little B’s teacher from the cafeteria manager (I think) outlining the events of yesterday morning, wherein Little B was separated from another little boy, because they were “fighting”.  She put them in separate lines on opposite sides of the cafeteria.  She continued to watch him once he was moved, and shortly thereafter he arbitrarily punched the kidstanding next to him in the stomach.

I’m furious…and I’m tired.  I need some advice on what to do about my kid.  He’s apparently growing into some sort of bully.  And I won’t stand for it.  But what do I do?  I can’t be angry at him all the time, that’s only going to make it worse.  I can’t be nice to him all the time, that will only make him think that everything’s okay.  I did, of course, give him a stern talking-to last night, which was met with tears and a slight tantrum.  He soooo wants to please people, which is why I seriously can’t understand why he continues to get into this type of trouble.  How do you impart SELF-CONTROL on a 5 year old?  You certainly can’t beat it into them, but I doubt you can simply love it into them either.  I’ve seriously got to nip this thing in the bud before I give up entirely and ship him off to live with Angelina Jolie. 

I’m at my wit’s end.  The school is not offering any potential solutions, or even following through with “THE PLAN”.  Of course, these two incidents were made known to the teacher and the principle after-the-fact, but still, there needs to be some consequence other than kicking him off the bus.  Who does that hurt?  Certainly not HIM.

Any advice would be appreciated.  However, with all due respect, I don’t think that “This too shall pass” will do in this situation.  Just keep that to yourself, because I’m so ticked off right now that I don’t care to look into the future and foresee how long it will take for this to simply “pass.”  Ha! 

Confession Thursday will be posted later today, after enough time has passed for me to blow off some steam and potentially write something ‘humorous’ and not ‘angry’, as I’m sure you would all prefer!  🙂 

Thanks again for listening.   And Angelina, go ahead and tell Brad to get ready for another one. 

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt at the Cannes fil...


Frustrated and tired,



About zohrbak

Zohrbak is an old email username I had a while's a made-up twist on two characters from Spaceghost. Zorak and Brak. I'm a geek. I am a married, working mother of 4 children, ages 4-15. I also have interests outside of my children, but I can never remember what they are.
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23 Responses to Behavior Choices Revisited: This kid is going to be the death of me.

  1. YaYa says:

    Okay, Sis – maybe it’s time to call Nanny 911, forward her a link to your blog, have her read it in her spare time and maybe she will show up in that cute little black british car & if she does I want to take it for drive. On a more serious note, have you considered contacting some professional help to get you some help on what to do? It may or may not work, but it can’t hurt to try. I will say a prayer for your sanity and Little B’s urge to hit.

    • zohrbak says:

      Oh, believe you me, I need professional help! lol
      But I really would prefer to NOT go the therapy route, if it can be avoided. I’ve spent SOOO much money on the older boy that could just have easily been flushed down the toilet. And in some ways, it made it worse. If you send Nanny 911 to my house, I will punch you in the face. lol

  2. shelley says:

    Just out of curiosity, how many kids are in Little B’s class? Maybe he’s not getting enough attention/help for assignments, instructions, etc… Is it at all a possibility to look into another school where he may be in a different learning environment?
    Just a thought…..

    • zohrbak says:

      It’s a fairly small class, I think 23 (?). Private school is really not an option for me right now. I’m starting to think that this problem is only exacerbated by the school environment, but apparently it started and is not being helped at home. Ugh. I don’t even know what that MEANS! …

  3. ZOHRMOM says:

    Remember when Ricky took us throught the whole church building and there was a counseor’s office where Ricky said someone volunteers his time? Maybe give that a try. With or without Little B, you have to get some relief. Just a thought.

  4. Mary says:

    I’m sorry I have no advise for you but apparently the teacher and the principal both need to get off their lazy as__(butts) and help implement THE PLAN and maybe they will see a change in his behavior. Sorry I couldn’t help.

  5. Mr Ray says:

    The problem with Little B is being made worse by his teacher/school. Plans were made to address the issues. No one knows if they will work unless the plans are carried out. The teacher/school has the ability to carry out the plan, but it is very obvious that the teacher/school is choosing not to co-operate. Is it possible that you could seek legal advice and take legal action against the school? Because you can believe that if you beat the hell out of Little B and leave marks on him, then that teacher/school couldn’t wait to call the law on you. You would be arrested for child abuse, being an unfit mother, etc, etc. So why can’t you call them out for being unfit teachers? I get tired of hearing teachers complain about parents not being involved in their childs education and then see an example, like this one with Little B, of just how concerned the teachers really are.
    Remember, the toes that were stepped on are still sore and those people have long, long memories.
    Good luck with Little B and keep in mind that he is not bad. He just doesn’t know it yet.

    • zohrbak says:

      I wouldn’t go so far as to say that his teacher is unfit. I just wish that she’d communicate with me. Of course, if she’s hesitant to because she’s worried about me writing about it, I guess that’s understandable too, to a certain extent.

      It’s obvious to me that Little B’s behavior is not the result of anything the teacher or school is doing or failing to do, but if we worked together we could get this taken care of a lot quicker and easier than the way it’s going now. But, for now I’ll have to do what I can at home…so I am going to take Mother Hen’s advice and start a “time out” protocol ASAP. Little B can’t stand to be ignored or left out, and so at the first sign of tantrum/agression, he’s going to be thrown in the brig! Keep your fingers crossed…and say a prayer for all of us!!

  6. Dear Ms. Z,
    You had to know that when you asked for advice Mother Hen would show up, so here she is.
    Sweetie, the school does not want to condone physical punishment. Ms. Edwards Wright, Mother’s dear friend and a former teacher, is fairly sure that is why the plan is not being implemented.
    Mother’s best guess is that Little B is thriving on all the negative attention. Many little darlings seem to think that negative attention is better than no attention at all. If that is the case, the best consequence for his behavior would be isolation. No toys or other entertainment, limited adult attention (think supervision rather than involvement), and four gloriously bare walls to look at for a while. He needs to get the message that if he doesn’t treat other people the way he should, he won’t be allowed to be around other people. It is a logical consequence of his behavior.
    Some schools have a “time out” room or corner. Many teachers have one in their classrooms as well. Perhaps you would get more cooperation from the school/teacher if you suggested this approach rather than the “spanking plan.”
    Make sure that ALL aggressive behavior at home gets the silent isolated treatment as well.
    The only other possibilities which Mother can think of is that Little B is acting out because he is angry and/or upset, which starts to take us into counseling territory, or has a biological problem of some sort, which takes us into medical territory, which is generally not considered at such a young age.
    However, if Little B has not had a check up lately, it might not hurt to let a pediatrician examine him. It may get you nowhere, but on the other hand it could a) rule out some things, or b) at the very least enter on his medical records that problems were in fact noted at age five (just in case).
    Try to check Little B’s backpack daily if you can for notes, because that is the main way that the school will communicate with you, unless B’s behavior is severe enough to warrant his being removed from school.
    Mother Hen does send her sympathies as well. Kermit sang that it’s not easy being green, but what did he know? He didn’t have to be a mother. Green is a cinch in comparision!
    Empathetically yours,
    Mother Hen

    • zohrbak says:

      These are all excellent points, and are well taken. I always appreciate your logical and well-thought out advice. I will schedule a check up and clear out my laundry room ASAP (as this will be the “isolation” room). I do check his back every day for notes, MH, as I haven been waiting with great anticipation for some news.

  7. annette says:

    I wish I had a solution. I know when my Ben was in first grade our PLAN with the school was to send him to the fitness room to burn off some energy/frustration or for the teacher to enlist his help with some sort of project. I do agree with you on the fact that you cannot stay mad at him all of the time nor can you pretend his behavior is acceptable.
    I certainly feel your angst. Please know that you are not alone.

  8. Aimee says:

    I’ll tell you my opinion, even though it will be different than all these other posts, and I may end up with more defending myself, but I’m used to that too.

    My advice is, don’t worry about it quite so much.

    Its kindergarten. Have you spent much time in his classroom? All of the kids are bad. I guarantee that if it were as bad as how bad you feel about him being bad, the teacher WOULD have contacted you. Punching a kid in the stomach is NOT out of the ordinary for a kindergartener. 5 year old kids DO NOT HAVE self control. But he will learn it, as you discipline him for the things he is doing wrong, he will figure it out. If he doesnt figure it out in the next year, then spend all your energy being concerned. Kindergarten should be about kids learning how to act socially.

    No, I am not saying pat him on the head. I honestly think you should spank him, or whatever REALLY works for HIM. Not Big E, or Tween C, but HIM. But don’t let your mind just go over and over. He will figure it out.

    And you have to KNOW that other kids parents are getting notes too, and the teachers do their best to make each set of parents feel like their kid is the only one who would dare to do such a thing, but its just not true. Sure some ARE worse than others but, come on, he’s not the worst kid at that school.

    My serious opinion is for you to punish him for this act…as severely as you can, using something that will hurt his feelings and possibly his behind….and go on. Forget it. Go on. Day by day.

    Its hard sometimes to do that bc some kids give you very little time bn bad acts to get happy again and feel like rewarding them for the good things they do, but you gotta do it anyway. I have this sometimes with A, but I work very hard in my brain to get back to square one, and not letting him get to the point where he has nothing to lose…if you are mad all the time, take away all his priviliges etc, then they have no reason to be good. So, punish, and go on. And never let the angry in-the-moment teacher convince you that its only YOUR child that might act up. Cuz it ain’t true.

    Thats what I think .

    • zohrbak says:

      Wait. I agree with you. Was I not supposed to? I’m confused again!

      • Aimee says:

        No confusion. I’m glad you agree….I just seem to get a lot of people look at me strangely (teachers included, God Bless their little hearts) when my attitude is ” lets do what we can to get the lesson across, but I am not stressing about this. He’s 5 (or 6 or 10 or 12 or 16). ” Ya know what I mean? Like people are so serious and want to immediately jump to “professional help” without just giving our children time to grown up in their own way. Society has become increasingly ALARMIST. Our parents and grandparents didn’t go to THERAPY when they fought with another 5 year old and they turned out just fine even when they got their butts blistered for doing it. Don’t percieve my attitude as a lack of extreme love for my children, bc I do worry about the things they do wrong! I want them to be good people and I am not happy when I get phone calls from school about their behavior. I’m just over feeling like I’M the total failure when my kids act out. And over them trying to make me feel like my kid isn’t just the average bad little kid who just hasn’t grown up enough yet to figure out that he will have more friends if he doesn’t punch them in the gut, or put glitter glue in girls’ hair to make it pretty, or stick beans down some kids’ shirt during art, or cut their socks with scissors. That stuff is normal. I mean come on, even the kids who ate their boogers and paste turned out just fine. lol. What i mean is that my more laid back “let ’em learn” attitude seems to offend some. But, I still feel like they gotta learn. And I don’t feel like a dumb counselor that charges 80 per hour to TELL you they will be fine and they are working through by playing with blocks is gonna make it happen any faster. lol.

        DISCLAIMER: Yes, there are some seriously messed up kids out there. They might need counseling. My previous comments are about the majority of kids. If you think your kid is seriously screwed up…..take him to counseling, and seek professional help.

  9. GmansMama says:

    Oh, wow! So many things I want to say! We went through this with G-man at about this same age and are presently in it again with Taters (Drama King, the middle child, was never aggressive. He’s just a big, fat liar.)
    1. I understand you not wanting to go the therapy route, but might there be some benefit in having him evaluated, just to ease your mind and let you know there’s nothing really “wrong?” The check-up with the pedi may take care of that.
    2. Yes, what about a little counseling for you? I was in counseling when G-man hit the boiling point. It was super great to have tools to manage my own behavior when G would have a melt down. (The guy in the little hidden office wasn’t a “volunteer” when I saw him, but was nice enough and works with family issues.)
    3. There are magnet schools with alternative teaching methodologies in this parish.
    4. I think legal action would be counter-productive.
    5. At the end of the day, I think I agree with Aimee, as well. You can only do what you can do. Do your best with him and let it go. It’s a shame that we have our children, but complete strangers spend more time with them than we do and then blame all of their issues on us alone.
    Praying for you!!

    • zohrbak says:

      No need to imply that I may need therapy, GmansMama. It’s a pretty well-known fact. lol.
      I am firm believer in the concept that chaos begets chaos. I get that. I know that if I managed to be calm, cool and collected when dealing with the kids, they would learn to be the same way. But, how, exactly, do you implement this when you walk into a house of screaming crazed people every day?! I’d have to be heavily sedated to remain calm in this situation. I have very little patience and so that is the source of many of my prayers. I want to lead by example, but it’s just so difficult and every time I fail I feel terrible about it. Maybe the sedation thing would work. Hmmmmm.

  10. Jodi Edwards Wright here. (Mother Hen is on a sanity break — which are strongly recommended.)

    I am a former teacher, and a mother who raised two children to be wonderful adults. Having been on both sides of the desk during parent-teacher interviews has given me a different perspective than I would have otherwise.
    Trust me when I tell you that it is not easy for teachers to find time to write notes or make phone calls home. If you had between twenty to thirty kids in your home at one time, without any (or minimal) adult assistance, I’m sure that you would see what I mean by that.
    This means that if a note does go home, or a call is made, it is because the teacher finds the matter to be significant. Also, teachers have a pretty good idea what is and isn’t usual at for the age group that they teach. All they have to do is look around.
    That being said, no parent should feel like a failure because their child is having issues at school. Sometimes the whole point of the communication home is so that the parents don’t say, “Why didn’t anyone tell me about this before?”
    Most of the time a note or a call means “We think you should be aware of this,” not that the teacher is freaking out or anything.
    While there are behaviors that may not be too unexpected in a child at a certain stage of their development, they are not things that you want them to continue to do either.
    A temper tantrum in a 3-year-old is normal, but it is not something that you want the child to continue doing throughout primary school, so you still want to do something about it when the child is three, for instance.
    Most teachers are in the biz because they love kids. Often it is only that love and affection that keeps them sane! Odds are that your children’s teachers want the best for them too.
    Now before I totally hijack Z’s blog (if I haven’t already — sorry!) I had best finish up.

    • zohrbak says:

      Thanks for filling in while Mother Hen was resting, Jodi! I agree with what you said, but would add this: there ARE bad teachers out there…and they can do things that make young children hate school. I have dealt with some of them. However, as I said in a prior post, I think it’s only fair to give them the benefit of the doubt at first…but always proceed with caution because no one will advocate for a child like his mother. And that’s my job. Apparently. Lol. Tell MH hello for me!

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