Today was the first day back to school from the Thanksgiving holidays for the Zohrchildren, and I knew going in that I’d be crazy busy at work today. Did I get all the kids’ school accoutrement (you looked that up weeks ago, remember?) ready last night? Did I check and re-check whether the God-Forsaken Sony Dream Machine was set and ready to go at 5:45 a.m. this morning?
The answer to both of these questions is no, of course. I thought I did good when I fixed my coffee pot and checked to make sure it was set for the right time. But I was wrong.
Now, some days, I really feel like writing, but I have trouble coming up with a subject for a post. Today, the second thing I thought about when my eyes opened at 7:15 was “Well, at least this morning will lend itself to a good blog post.” I can’t tell you what my first thought was, because it contained too many expletives, but the jist of it was “I can’t believe what an idiot I am…” because I didn’t even set the Sony Dream Machine last night.
So, I could write about how crazy my morning was getting all the drowsy children up by yelling out how late we all were. But then, I thought I might write about how strange it was that when Little was startled to life this morning, he stumbled out of bed, completely naked, and wandered around for a few minutes seemingly unaware of his nakedness. Then, when he realized he was naked, ran to dress himself before he thought that I would have noticed. I watched the whole time in dismay. I have no explanation for it, whatsoever. I could write about how Little A has refused to take off her new pink bunny watch she got as a Happy Meal prize since Saturday, when Aimee came over and asked her over and over again if she could have her watch, and further that she thought it was her watch, and she’d better give it to her, etc. etc. Since Saturday, Little A has slept and bathed in that watch. So, this morning, when I told her it was time to take off the watch because she couldn’t wear it to school, she screamed “NO!” over and over and over. Finally, I gave in. Wear the dumb watch. I don’t care. But then, I thought that I would write about how mad Tween C was at me for making her late for school, by merely seconds, and causing her to have to go to the office to check in. She wouldn’t even look at me. I told her I was sorry, but she just said, “Yeah.” I felt bad, for a minute. But then, I could also write about how Big E was late for school (all my fault) and when he walked into the office to check in, his ID badge was turned around on his collar, which revealed to all of the office staff the following words, scribbled in sharpie: “You’re Taylor’s bitch. So suck it.”
I know this, because when the assistant principal at his school called me, and I began to take up for Big E, telling him how my alarm clock hadn’t gone off (I didn’t mention the part about my not having set it), he interrupted me to tell me that he was calling to let me know that Big E had been suspended for two days as a result of the above. I asked him if he thought that Big E wrote that, and he said he didn’t know, but it didn’t matter. He knew it was there. And I had to agree. But I still don’t think he wrote it. And anyway, if he was the one who wrote it, no one would have been able to read it, I know that for a fact. I had to call Zohrhubby and tell him to turn around and go back and get him, and then had to tell him why. Zohrhubby seemed more shocked than I was. “What?!” I told him to calm down, but I’m not sure if it worked or not. I got off the phone in a hurry because I decided it was time for me to check out of parenthood and shift on over into work mode, as I’d had enough at that point. It was 8:02 a.m.
So, I’m not sure what part of my morning I would write about if I had time to do so. I guess I’ll just leave well enough alone and not write about any of it.
Have a great Monday, everyone!