The Unfortunate Children


This weekend Zohrhubby and I snuck all of the hidden Christmas presents inside the house from the safety of the locked shop outside.  We had to count presents and re-assess our wish/bought checklist.  Once we had them inside, it seemed like more trouble to sneak them back outside than to simply wrap them all.  

The problem with this strategy, we soon realized, is that our children are home this entire week, and for some of that time ZH and I will both be at work.  We considered our options.

Option #1:  Normal families just put the wrapped presents under the Christmas tree.  Children of normal families just sit next to the tree all aglow gazing upon the gifts and dream about what could be inside.  I know this because I’ve seen normal families on television.  The problem with this option is obvious.  We are not a normal family.  My house is a zoo filled with animals, and the presents would be shredded by unsupervised hour number 2,  I guarantee it.  

Exhibit A: Normal kid -- Just look at all of that self control!

Option #2:  Bring all the wrapped presents back outside and lock them back up.  The problem with this option is ZH and I are not smart enough to think of this option until we have left the house and begin to worry about our ultimate choice, which would be Option #3.

Option #3:  Stack the wrapped presents up in a corner of our bedroom and cover them with a blanket. 

Less than 8 hours after we opted for #3, Little A was on to us.  I was in the bathroom washing my face, and ZH was on the computer doing whatever the hell it is that ZH does on the computer, when Little A came in and said, “Hey, daddy, what’s this?” and ZH was too late to stop her before she lifted up the blanket.  “OOOOOHHHHHHH, PRESENTS!”  she exclaimed.  ZH quickly tried to minimize the damages and shut her up before all the animals sniffed out the booty she’d just discovered. 

ZH:  “Oh, no, A, don’t touch that.  Those presents aren’t for you.” 

A:  “Well…who are they for then?” 

ZH: “Uh, those presents are for all the unfortunate children.” 

A:  “What’s unforchoonus children, daddy?”

ZH:  “Those are all the kids that don’t have all the things that you have.”

A: “Like mommies and daddies?”

ZH:  “Yeah, A, like those kids.”

A:  “Oh, so those presents are for them?”

ZH: “Yeah, that’s right.”

A: “Well…that’s pretty nice of us.”

She left the room shortly thereafter.  I didn’t say a word. 

That night, when we went to bed, I giggled. 

ZH: “What’s so funny?”
Z: “I’m just thinking about all those unfortunate children.”

ZH:  “What?”
Z: “Are those like “oops” babies?  Or just unlucky kids?”

ZH: “Oh, shit!  I knew it didn’t sound right when I was saying it.”
Z:  “Oh, so you really DID mean ‘less fortunate’?”

ZH:  “LESS fortunate!  That’s right.  Damn!”

We laughed for a while and talked about all those unfortunate children in the world. 

Now that's unfortunate.

Wow. That's really unfortunate.

Ding Ding Ding! We have a winner.

Then I said, “It was a pretty nice save, by the way.”

Today, we both left for work and all those presents for the unfortunate children are just sitting there. I wonder how long it will take for Little A to spill the beans or figure out all by herself that maybe she’s one of those unfortunate children and deserves one of those presents. 

I think when I get home I’ll be lugging a bunch of Christmas presents back outside to the shop.

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About zohrbak

Zohrbak is an old email username I had a while back...it's a made-up twist on two characters from Spaceghost. Zorak and Brak. I'm a geek. I am a married, working mother of 4 children, ages 4-15. I also have interests outside of my children, but I can never remember what they are.
This entry was posted in bad kids, Bad mother, crazy kids, Family, Humor, The Joys of Parenthood and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to The Unfortunate Children

  1. haha! I’m glad to know that I’m not the only human to have an occasional slip of the lip. Thanks for the laugh!

  2. YaYa says:

    Don’t worry, Tween A will help make sure they are safe until you get home!

  3. ZOHRMOM says:

    I wonder why you should worry.
    Zohrdad had to super glue every seam in the presents when you and Zohrsis were little.
    I use the term “little” very loosely to mean that as long as you lived at home. lol

    @YaYa-I was never fortunate enough to have a little general like Tween A with my two. Their friends were always willing co-conspirators.

    Merry Christmas and welcome to the land of no surprises, since surely all the kids are smart enough to figure out how to keep Tween A occupied while peeking.

    • YaYa says:

      YaBro and Zhorbak would have made a horrible/wonderful Christmas combo, he would use his exact-o-knife and slice the tape and peek and then re-tape them. The parents never knew until dad finally caught him and started just handing us all our gifts way before Christmas morning and he was furious! YaBro felt so guilty and finally stopped. I loved the excitement of being surprised so i never tried to look.

  4. Aimee says:

    I only have two words. PACKING TAPE. Even unfortunate kids cant sneak a peak without ripping the paper if you use packing tape.

    I learned this from my mother, who figured out at some point that we could unwrap and rewrap gifts without her knowledge. I think it was more thrilling to unwrap and rewrap the gifts on the down low than it was to actually get the gift. Then somehow, either I or my siblings, left some sort of clue that the gift had been breached, and she started taping with packing tape. It cannot be rewrapped after the packing tape.

    I don’t use the packing tape as of yet, but I do use lots and lots of regular tape.

  5. ZOHRMOM says:

    Actually, Zohrdad liked to antagonize the kids with the super glue. Really pi$$ed off Zohrsis. He’d spend hours and hours wrapping stuff like one shoe, a ring made of wire and would put bells and stuff in so it would make lots of noise. He absolutely loved making the girls crazy (and kinda angry) but he had lots of fun.

  6. zohrsis says:

    If Zohrbak tried the super glue thing she’d probably end up going to work with wrapping paper stuck to her fingers lol. Now ZH, on the other hand, could probably pull this off.

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