This weekend Zohrhubby and I snuck all of the hidden Christmas presents inside the house from the safety of the locked shop outside. We had to count presents and re-assess our wish/bought checklist. Once we had them inside, it seemed like more trouble to sneak them back outside than to simply wrap them all.
The problem with this strategy, we soon realized, is that our children are home this entire week, and for some of that time ZH and I will both be at work. We considered our options.
Option #1: Normal families just put the wrapped presents under the Christmas tree. Children of normal families just sit next to the tree all aglow gazing upon the gifts and dream about what could be inside. I know this because I’ve seen normal families on television. The problem with this option is obvious. We are not a normal family. My house is a zoo filled with animals, and the presents would be shredded by unsupervised hour number 2, I guarantee it.
Option #2: Bring all the wrapped presents back outside and lock them back up. The problem with this option is ZH and I are not smart enough to think of this option until we have left the house and begin to worry about our ultimate choice, which would be Option #3.
Option #3: Stack the wrapped presents up in a corner of our bedroom and cover them with a blanket.
Less than 8 hours after we opted for #3, Little A was on to us. I was in the bathroom washing my face, and ZH was on the computer doing whatever the hell it is that ZH does on the computer, when Little A came in and said, “Hey, daddy, what’s this?” and ZH was too late to stop her before she lifted up the blanket. “OOOOOHHHHHHH, PRESENTS!” she exclaimed. ZH quickly tried to minimize the damages and shut her up before all the animals sniffed out the booty she’d just discovered.
ZH: “Oh, no, A, don’t touch that. Those presents aren’t for you.”
A: “Well…who are they for then?”
ZH: “Uh, those presents are for all the unfortunate children.”
A: “What’s unforchoonus children, daddy?”
ZH: “Those are all the kids that don’t have all the things that you have.”
A: “Like mommies and daddies?”
ZH: “Yeah, A, like those kids.”
A: “Oh, so those presents are for them?”
ZH: “Yeah, that’s right.”
A: “Well…that’s pretty nice of us.”
She left the room shortly thereafter. I didn’t say a word.
That night, when we went to bed, I giggled.
ZH: “What’s so funny?”
Z: “I’m just thinking about all those unfortunate children.”
Z: “Are those like “oops” babies? Or just unlucky kids?”
ZH: “Oh, shit! I knew it didn’t sound right when I was saying it.”
Z: “Oh, so you really DID mean ‘less fortunate’?”
ZH: “LESS fortunate! That’s right. Damn!”
We laughed for a while and talked about all those unfortunate children in the world.
Then I said, “It was a pretty nice save, by the way.”
Today, we both left for work and all those presents for the unfortunate children are just sitting there. I wonder how long it will take for Little A to spill the beans or figure out all by herself that maybe she’s one of those unfortunate children and deserves one of those presents.
I think when I get home I’ll be lugging a bunch of Christmas presents back outside to the shop.