My Fashion Sense


 

I get cold in the evenings, no matter what the weather is.  I also get irritated by fitted clothing within an hour or so of putting them on.  So, when I get home, I immediately put on something like this:

'cept my top doesn't zip, it just pulls over. Otherwise, this is almost exactly what I look like every evening.

Okay, okay!  That’s not completely truthful. This is what I imagine I look like.  In reality, I probably look more like this:

What's so wrong with this? She looks comfortable.

I could care less what I look like when 5 p.m. strikes.  If you really want to know the truth, if I could get my hands on one of these bad boys, I’d wear it all winter long, and probably try to get my doctor to write me some sort of work excuse as to why I needed to wear this to work:

For work, of course, I'd probably get it in navy.

Aside: Interestingly, when you google “old woman in sweat suit”, google just decides that you meant to type “old woman in swim suit”.  I do not suggest trying this, because the image search result nearly burned a hole in my retinas. 

Anywhatevertheheck, I related all of the above to you so that I could tell you the following story, which relates to my odd habits and my keen fashion sense, all combined with my constant struggle to come up with a unique idea to instantly make me a million dollars. 

The other night, I trudged to bed clad in my heather gray sweatpants, strikingly matching sweatshirt, tube socks and slippers.  Even though my bedroom is much colder than the den, I have to shed all that warm snuggly stuff because I cannot STAND to have all that on while trying to sleep.  When I’m really cold, I can keep the sweatpants on.  The sweatshirt, however, is replaced by a soft, short-sleeved t-shirt.  When I got into bed that night, the only part of my body that got cold was my arms.

“Eureka!”  I thought. To myself. In my head.  “I’ve got a great idea for something that will surely make me a fortune!”  It was too sweet to keep to myself, though.

Me:  “I just had a great idea.”

ZH:  “What’s that?”

Me: “I’m going to invent something to keep your arms warm.”

ZH: (Very seriously) “Oh, wait, I think they already have something like that…let’s see…what is it?  Oh, yeah…SLEEVES!” 

He proceeds to burst into laughter.  I ignore him. 

Me: “No, seriously, I could call them “Arm Warmers”.

He begins to laugh louder.

Me: “Stop laughing, I’m serious.”

He tries to suppress the giggles but he’s not doing a very good job.

Me: “Have you ever heard of “Leg Warmers?”

ZH:  “Yes.”

Me:  “Well, it will be like that, but for your ARMS.”

The laughter started back up.  It was really ticking me off, because I thought it was genius.

Me:  “Listen to me!  You can pull these tube like stocking things over your arms when you get cold…”

ZH:  “OH MY GOD, STOP IT!  YOU ARE KILLING ME WITH THIS!”

Me:  “What is so funny?”

ZH: “The fact that you are using the example of the “Leg Warmers” to support your idea.  The greatest invention of the twentieth century.”

Me: “Hey, leg warmers were very popular, and they are making a comeback.”

ZH: “Well, if people wanted to use them on their arms, couldn’t they just put the leg warmers on their arms?”
Me: “Not if no one suggested it…I guess…”

He continued to laugh.

I closed my eyes and went to sleep, rubbing my cold arms and stewing over his reaction.

The next day, he asked if I was going to blog about my arm warmers idea.  I told him no, that people would steal my idea. 

I don’t think that will be problem, since while I was typing this post, I learned that Arm Warmers are already in existence.  Who knew?  Oh well, at least I can tell him that I was right about there actually being a market for such a thing. 

Notice:  I would be happy to appear on the television show “What Not to Wear” for a fashion rehab session.  Feel free to nominate me based on the above information. Thank you.

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About zohrbak

Zohrbak is an old email username I had a while back...it's a made-up twist on two characters from Spaceghost. Zorak and Brak. I'm a geek. I am a married, working mother of 4 children, ages 4-15. I also have interests outside of my children, but I can never remember what they are.
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2 Responses to My Fashion Sense

  1. ZOHRMOM says:

    You just made me have a hot flash…I need you to invent a ventilation system for under the covers. Get right on that, will ya?

  2. Aimee says:

    I am not laughing. I am really not.

    THis reminds me of the snuggie. Which, btw, IS a million dollar idea. It reminds me of the Amazon review of the snuggie I read right after it came out……”Its a f’ing robe turned backwards you idiots”….yet, the still sell.

    So, if arm warmers are your dream, go for it. However, I will make the first Amazon review….it will read something along the lines of “its f’ing sleeves without the shirt you idiots”

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