I get cold in the evenings, no matter what the weather is. I also get irritated by fitted clothing within an hour or so of putting them on. So, when I get home, I immediately put on something like this:
Okay, okay! That’s not completely truthful. This is what I imagine I look like. In reality, I probably look more like this:
I could care less what I look like when 5 p.m. strikes. If you really want to know the truth, if I could get my hands on one of these bad boys, I’d wear it all winter long, and probably try to get my doctor to write me some sort of work excuse as to why I needed to wear this to work:
Aside: Interestingly, when you google “old woman in sweat suit”, google just decides that you meant to type “old woman in swim suit”. I do not suggest trying this, because the image search result nearly burned a hole in my retinas.
Anywhatevertheheck, I related all of the above to you so that I could tell you the following story, which relates to my odd habits and my keen fashion sense, all combined with my constant struggle to come up with a unique idea to instantly make me a million dollars.
The other night, I trudged to bed clad in my heather gray sweatpants, strikingly matching sweatshirt, tube socks and slippers. Even though my bedroom is much colder than the den, I have to shed all that warm snuggly stuff because I cannot STAND to have all that on while trying to sleep. When I’m really cold, I can keep the sweatpants on. The sweatshirt, however, is replaced by a soft, short-sleeved t-shirt. When I got into bed that night, the only part of my body that got cold was my arms.
“Eureka!” I thought. To myself. In my head. “I’ve got a great idea for something that will surely make me a fortune!” It was too sweet to keep to myself, though.
Me: “I just had a great idea.”
ZH: “What’s that?”
Me: “I’m going to invent something to keep your arms warm.”
ZH: (Very seriously) “Oh, wait, I think they already have something like that…let’s see…what is it? Oh, yeah…SLEEVES!”
He proceeds to burst into laughter. I ignore him.
Me: “No, seriously, I could call them “Arm Warmers”.
He begins to laugh louder.
Me: “Stop laughing, I’m serious.”
He tries to suppress the giggles but he’s not doing a very good job.
Me: “Have you ever heard of “Leg Warmers?”
Me: “Well, it will be like that, but for your ARMS.”
The laughter started back up. It was really ticking me off, because I thought it was genius.
Me: “Listen to me! You can pull these tube like stocking things over your arms when you get cold…”
ZH: “OH MY GOD, STOP IT! YOU ARE KILLING ME WITH THIS!”
Me: “What is so funny?”
ZH: “The fact that you are using the example of the “Leg Warmers” to support your idea. The greatest invention of the twentieth century.”
Me: “Hey, leg warmers were very popular, and they are making a comeback.”
ZH: “Well, if people wanted to use them on their arms, couldn’t they just put the leg warmers on their arms?”
Me: “Not if no one suggested it…I guess…”
He continued to laugh.
I closed my eyes and went to sleep, rubbing my cold arms and stewing over his reaction.
The next day, he asked if I was going to blog about my arm warmers idea. I told him no, that people would steal my idea.
I don’t think that will be problem, since while I was typing this post, I learned that Arm Warmers are already in existence. Who knew? Oh well, at least I can tell him that I was right about there actually being a market for such a thing.
Notice: I would be happy to appear on the television show “What Not to Wear” for a fashion rehab session. Feel free to nominate me based on the above information. Thank you.