This just in: Jesse James is engaged to Kat Von D. And you know what else? I don’t give a flying flapjack.
In related news: Kelsey Grammer is set to wed his mistress in February…and his divorce isn’t even final yet. And here’s another tidbit you’d be interested in knowing: I couldn’t be less concerned with Kelsey Grammer’s love life.
Why am I telling you this if I don’t care about it? I’ll tell you why: Dumb people are mucking up the news. So, someone had an affair and destroyed his or her marriage? That’s not news. That’s not shocking or newsworthy. That’s life. That’s what is going on in America every single day of every year. People hurting other people or falling in and out of love at their whimsy. Famous people do it, and absolute nobodys do it. It’s a disease–not news. And it’s certainly not entertainment. Of course, you celebrities are always looking for that next Oscar, or Golden Globe, or some kind of recognition…so, here you are:
Here’s a tip, famous dumbasses: follow the cue of the smartest people in Hollywood. Keep your private business private. When you show up on Letterman, decline to comment about your love live specifically. Speak in generalities. Have a bit of mystery about you, already. Going on TV and spilling your guts about such things to me is the moral equivalent of a stripper. Things covered up are much more attractive to what should be your target audience.
And to you, tabloids and papparazzi: Shut right the hell up. We are all ready for some GOOD news, for a change. We will not buy in to your hype and your glamorization of all things immoral and hurtful and negative. Get a frickin’ life and leave people the hell alone.