Conduct Yourself Accordingly…


Sometimes I really want to blog about something that happened, but then I worry about the person or persons who would likely become the subject of the post, and how they would feel if they read it.  Sunday was one of those days for me.  While I would never want to hurt anyone’s feelings on purpose, if it’s the truth, then it’s the truth. As long as I do so honestly, then I feel like I have the right to write about it…albeit unfair that some of the story is likely going to be my “impressions” as well as the facts.  But, at the end of the day, you did say and/or do whatever you said and/or did, and so you had the choice prior to doing and/or saying what you did and/or said whether or not you were going to do and/or say what you did and/or said.  Right? 

I would admit that it would suck to find out that you had done and/or said something that you wouldn’t want other people to know about, or something you wouldn’t necessarily want to defend, to a person who writes about every nook and cranny of her life.  

Perhaps I should have t-shirts or hats made to wear around, that say something to the effect of:

“WARNING:  BY INTERACTING AND/OR ENGAGING IN CONVERSATION WITH THE WEARER OF THIS SHIRT OR HER FAMILY, YOU ARE SUBJECTING YOURSELF TO THE WRITTEN NARRATIONS OF SAID WEARER AS WELL AS THE IMPRESSIONS AND/OR OPINIONS OF THOSE WHO READ HER BLOG. YOU ARE NOW ON NOTICE.  CONDUCT YOURSELF ACCORDINGLY.”

So, all that having been said, I was a little rattled at church Sunday, when confronted by a fill-in Sunday School teacher (and I say confronted because I mean confronted here, make no mistake about it) after Little B wreaked havoc on their class for an hour.  I was told that he was scribbling on the table, hitting other children, and generally not behaving.  He eventually just became too “violent” for them to keep him in the room, and so they moved him to another class with a teacher by himself.  She was shaking her head and using hand motions in a manner that I found a bit unsettling.  She was clearly upset.  I apologized for his behavior.  I tried to explain that Little B has been doing much better than before for some time, and I was surprised by his behavior.  This lady, however, had never interacted with my child before, so she wasn’t impressed with whatever improvement had heretofore been made.  That’s not to say that I consider what she reported to me to be an “improvement”… !  Rather, I was disappointed that he had turned around and ran in the opposite direction that day, in terms of progress.  Even more, I got defensive as a result of her tone, her manner, and the words she used.  Violent.  Really?  Yes, technically.  But…really?  I thought that was a poor choice, especially given the fact that she had already said “hit” several times in a short span of time, and I already know what the word “hit” means.  It just felt funny, is all I can tell you.  She was angry.  And I felt like she was angry with ME.  As in, “How DARE you bring your violent, disturbed kid to church for him to commit battery upon battery on all the other good, angelic kids here?!”  Okay.  That was probably a little overboard.  But I’m an emotional person, and that’s the feeling I left the conversation with.  I didn’t even make it through 15 minutes of the church service, it upset me so much.  Because here’s the thing with me…once I get upset, I can’t just get UN-upset.  And my attempts to “wind down” the emotions like anger and frustration eventually leads to tears.  Followed closely by, you guessed it, more tears because I’m embarrassed by my reaction. 

I have so many stories spanning from the time I can remember until, uh, Sunday, of just that happening.  I cannot turn it off.  It’s just how it is.

So, in summation, I can’t defend his actions any more than I can condemn hers.  Who wouldn’t be frustrated in that situation?  I sure am.   As is blatantly obvious if you’ve read even ONE of my previous blog posts.

I was going to let this one go.  I was going to blow it off and move on.  But then, I saw this woman just yesterday at the grocery store…and as she approached me, and we made eye contact, I smiled in recognition, and even tilted my head slightly to the side, like, “OH, HEY!”…

She just walked right past me.

Oh well.  I guess I expect too much out of people sometimes.  Of course, maybe she just couldn’t place where she knew me from and just decided to ignore me altogether. 

I’m going to pray for her.  That she continue to do God’s work  but maybe with a little more patience and acceptance of His children.  Because that’s where I’m at with this one. 

Feel free to comment…I’m open to other interpretations of how I should handle this one.

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About zohrbak

Zohrbak is an old email username I had a while back...it's a made-up twist on two characters from Spaceghost. Zorak and Brak. I'm a geek. I am a married, working mother of 4 children, ages 4-15. I also have interests outside of my children, but I can never remember what they are.
This entry was posted in bad kids, Bad mother, Blogging., crazy kids, Family, Humor, Parenthood, Spirituality, The Joys of Parenthood and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

21 Responses to Conduct Yourself Accordingly…

  1. q says:

    Well, letting things go is one of my least favorite things, but it’s really the only thing that helps. Nothing good ever comes of beating a dead horse, or replaying the event over and over in your mind, because that just makes you more upset, and you’re right back to where you started. I don’t have any experience with kids, but I’ve dealt with plenty of unreasonable, insecure, and downright rude people in my life to know that the only thing, and I mean the ONLY thing, that will ever have a chance of helping them and yourself move on is just being nice, turning the other cheek, killing them with kindness, etc etc. I mean, you have to defend yourself and your kids, don’t get me wrong, so I’m not saying roll over and play dead, but there are diplomatic (and, I suppose, “Christian”) ways to handle difficult people and situations, and although I rarely do as I say, I’m learning that the best way to handle these things is kind of what you already said – give her the benefit of the doubt, acknowledge that she’d never dealt with your child before so she wasn’t aware of the history there, and maybe, just maybe, she didn’t recognize you. She could have just had a bad day and had been dealing with other things right before she saw you. In all likelihood, it had little or nothing to do with you, and if it did, that’s her issue, not yours. Trust me, I know how you feel – I tend to be overly sensitive and take things very personally. But I heard something awhile back from someone I think was pretty wise (can’t remember who, either my dad or Madonna, although they’re not really that much alike, LOL), but they said “What other people think of me is none of my business.” Hard to grasp, because we like to think we can make everyone like us, but the truth is, we can’t. Some people don’t like themselves. And if they think poorly of us, they don’t really know us. They just can’t see past their own issues and in turn tennd to project them on us.

    I know this is rambling and somewhat nonsensical, but I hope it helps. Just a little.

    Okay, bye for now!
    Q

    • zohrbak says:

      That was the furthest thing from rambling and nonsensical I can think of. You hit the nail on the head on all points, Q. Very nice.

      Thanks for your input…and from what I have come to know about this person…I think you got it exactly right!

      Love ya!

  2. Aimee says:

    I will pray for this woman too. I will also pray that they stick her in a room with the old ladies instead of with the small children. This is nearly the same as a previous convo about teachers, and how some are and are not meant to be in an enclosed space with young children.

    And she really walked right past you? Ugh.

  3. Catherine says:

    One of my precious children (I know you know which one I am speaking of) partaked in a little show me yours and I will show you mine (underwear only) action in Sunday School one day. He was all of four maybe five. When I rounded the corner to pick him up I was met by the Director of Sunday School. She acted like he was the biggest prevert alive! They could not tolerate this type of behavior, blah, blah, blah. She actually asked me not to bring him back for a few Sundays. We never went back! As far as your tears and reaction, I react the same way! I am who I am. Tears and all!

    • zohrbak says:

      I can only IMAGINE how you must have felt when they made your son (D) out to be some sort of perv. OMG. I would have wanted to cry too! And angry! And embarrassed! And all at CHURCH!

      I totally feel your pain, and understand why you would choose NOT to return!

      Thanks for your support!

  4. Jenn says:

    You know, I have the same problem. Not with the kids, of course, but with the crying. When I get really angry and try to resolve issues, I end up having to hang up on the other person! I get so much anger built up that it just explodes and I start blubbering like a baby and get absolutely nothing accomplished. I hate this problem, I have great arguments ready to fight my case and then BOOM! Total loss of speaking capabilities. If you figure out how to fix this “character flaw” PLEASE let me know so I can teach myself!!

    • zohrbak says:

      Jenn…I hate that part of me too, but I’ve come to realize that it’s not a character flaw, just an inevitable part of what goes along with sensitivity and empathy that you and I possess that doesn’t come easily to other people. We just have to channel that and use it for good, instead of evil!

      😛

  5. Seems to me like someone’s peed in her Cheerio’s. I don’t know how you could have responded, really… but she expressed herself in the wrong way completely. Hopefully she won’t fill-in again. I can understand her being upset… but being insulting and, really, judgemental, isn’t going to help things at all. And really… violent? Was he drop-kicking other kids? Was he taking them by the collar and shaking them (Gabe use to do that. seriously.)? No. Hitting isn’t ok, either, and I understand that. But for crying out loud… he wasn’t using the other kids for target practice.

  6. ZOHRMOM says:

    Okay. Part of me wants to cry for both you and B, because we both know what his reaction was to the treatment he got from her. Yes, he misbehaved and needed to be dealt with. Yada, yada, yada..
    The biggest part of me wants to go to church and let whoever needs to know how rude, judgemental and downright unchristian some of the people are and that they should not ever be put in a position to do more harm than good.
    You know what makes me the maddest? She has undoubtedly gone around for the past 3 days telling everyone in great detail how she let you have it.
    I really hope some of the people who go to church with us will read your blog and maybe, just maybe see themselves or someone they are close enough to that it will be discussed.
    I am sure it never occurred to her that he was not feeling well.

    • zohrbak says:

      Thanks for your support, mom. I hope that people at church do not read my blog. I wouldn’t want to cause any trouble. And I’d like to remain free to make whatever comments I want to without causing conflict. 🙂

  7. YaYa says:

    I wonder if she has any children of her own and if they have ever had a bad day? The kids haven’t seen sunshine in a week and maybe she just should have let them go on the playground and burn up some energy.

  8. Zohrsis says:

    The Christian part of me thinks along the lines of Q. Unfortunately there’s also an UNChristian part of me that’s thinking something else entirely….I guess we ALL need prayers. Anyway, I think you handled it perfectly.

    • zohrbak says:

      I know exactly what you mean. One part of me wants to pray for her, and the other part of me wants to go up and punch her. I would never…

      🙂

      Thanks for your support. I love you!

  9. ZorCousin says:

    I’m sorry about last Sunday. I’m sorry parenting is so hard. I know it’s hard for me and it sounds like it’s hard for you. You are a wonderful mom. Try and devote your time and energy to that. Life is too short to waste precious time and energy on people like that Sunday school teacher. It sounds like she could benefit from some teachings herself.

    I’m really looking foward to reading blogs about your littles ones and the great accomplishments they have in their future! You are and should be their strongest advocate.

    Love you!

    • zohrbak says:

      Thanks ZorCousin…I have to remind myself that it’s okay for other people to find fault with my children without taking it so personally, and also that no matter WHERE I am, it’s also okay for me to stand up for them, even when they are imperfect, which they ALL are.

      We’ll all get through this parenting thing TOGETHER!

      Love you!

  10. JJ says:

    She obviously does not need to be teaching children if she can not even be kind to their parents…and seeing her in passing at the grocery, if she didn’t apologize then… well just continue to pray for her….she obviously has issues!

    • zohrbak says:

      Obviously she does…which is why I’m going to pay her no attention in the future. If she wants to talk to me, she will be talking to the back of my head. Thanks for the support, JJ!

  11. Dear Ms. Z.,
    All Mother Hen can think about it what a big T-shirt that would have to be, and how even at her fluffiest she doesn’t think it would fit. Hopefully.
    Oh, and that church lady? Pray for her really, really hard — in caps if necessary. C.S. Lewis once said something about how with someone like that, he would try to imagine how much worse she would be if she wasn’t a Christian. Horrifying, isn’t it?
    Indignantly yours,
    Mother Hen

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