4 year olds on steroids and mouthy man-boys

I am TOTALLY posting this sign on my front door.

Is it just me, or does everyone have periods of time where they feel like they’ve lost all control of the things around them?  I have had this general feeling of anxiety and chaos for about a week now.  When I put my mind to it, I can’t quite place what, if anything, is really any different than it always is…but at the same time, all it takes if for one of my kids to say, “Oh, by the way, I need 2 dollars today…” and I go all stupid, and say something assy like “Oh my God!  You are killing me!”  It makes my kids think I’m nuts…as I realize I sound less than a moment later…and I have to apologize (AGAIN.)  “I’m sorry (insert child’s name here)…I’m tired, and it’s been a long day…and it had nothing to do with you.” 

Last night, I said something similar out loud as a general apology for my frustrated outburst, and Big E said, “Oh, gee…you must be only slightly more tired than what you NORMALLY are.”  That…that right there…was enough to put me right over the edge.  And I don’t even really know what he meant…but I heard his tone…and I didn’t like it.  So I went to bed.  There once was a time when I sent HIM to bed.  Now, he’s bigger than me and challenges every word that comes out of my mouth.  I recently realized how dumb I sound when trying to argue with him and force him to act the way I want, which will NEVER happen, anyway.  So, now, I just walk away.  Sometimes he follows me, and I have to threaten to do something rash–like take away his phone or something– to make him go away.  Other times, I can’t get him to say two words to me.  I’m going to miss that kid when he’s gone…but damn…just how much longer will that be, exactly? 


I suppose my most recent chaotic feelings come from the fact that Little A has pneumonia, and we are juggling our schedules around to take care of her, and she goes from a) sick and sleeping to b) whiny and feeling bad to c) steroid induced mania.  The mania is especially difficult to deal with.  She’s getting better, thank goodness, because one of two things will happen:  She will get off the steroids and stop alternating between I LOVE YOU MOMMIE! and I HATE YOU MOMMIE!!; OR she will continue to say things like that, and I won’t have to feel guilty about spanking her butt.  All this is happening, of course, in conjunction with the normal course and scope of caring for everyone else’s schedules and needs in the house. 

So that’s where I am today.  I’m pretty sure it’s Confession Thursday, but I don’t really have a confession…except that maybe I confess that I sometimes want to strangle my children.  But I don’t.  And that makes me a great mother.  This week, anyway. 

Your turn. 


About zohrbak

Zohrbak is an old email username I had a while back...it's a made-up twist on two characters from Spaceghost. Zorak and Brak. I'm a geek. I am a married, working mother of 4 children, ages 4-15. I also have interests outside of my children, but I can never remember what they are.
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20 Responses to 4 year olds on steroids and mouthy man-boys

  1. Aimee says:

    My response:

    I HATE TEENAGERS. They are so stupid. How does anyone ever survive being one? And how do parents ever survive having one. Ugh. Cody and I had a huge convo this morning before school. It began quite normally with the topic of how they are thinking of changing the school format from block schedule (they have 4 classes per semester, like in college, where at the end of the semester, that class is completely over, and every semester,or half the normal school year, they get completely new classes) to the 7 class system, which is how high school was for us. You have 7 classes and you keep them all, for the most part, all year. Well, lets just say the discussion slowly progressed toward class length, and how in HIS opinion teachers were stupid bc they just didn’t want to stay in class for that amount of time yada yada. He said that he did not understand why teachers all had something “up their butts” bc they had the perfect teaching job. They get to teach teenagers. My jaw dropped open here. Then he went on to say that if the world were nothing but teenagers, it would be heaven bc all teenagers are friendly, care-free, etc etc etc. Now my eyes are bulging. The words that spewed forth from my face after that surely left my two teenagers feeling like I hated them, and would continue to do so until they were at least 30. But he said the most ridiculous things, and TRULY believed all of them. It blows my mind. Really. I know my quickie-skip-the-middle description of the conversation does it no justice, but had I recorded the whole thing I believe I could successfully win a funniest-home-video award, or at least most-ridiculous-home-video award.

    I totally feel your pain with big E….TOTALLY. They really, truly feel, down deep in their hormone-poisoned hearts, like the entire adult world is insane. Oh, and they think anyone under 15 is loco en la cabeza too. So, pretty much they think only teenagers are “right”. Boy are they WRONG.

    Little A is one of the cutest, most precocious little kids I have ever met. She cracks me up. I am for the arranged marriage between J & little A. Their children would fulfill the mothers curse for both of them quite sufficiently. LOL.

    • zohrbak says:

      Teenagers ARE dumb…and their dumbness seems to be directly proportional to their SIZE. And they ARE delusional. I told Big E last night that he was crazy. As in, crazy crazy. He couldn’t believe I said it. But, yeah, I went there.

      As for Little A…I do appreciate how cute and funny she is, most days. Other days, she is a bit much to handle. I LOVE the idea of an arranged marriage between her and J. He’s a doll! Their kids would literally LOOK like angels and ACT like hellions. It would be the ultimate REVENGE. lol.

      I don’t even think we would have to force them to marry. We could just make them hang around each other long enough to fall in love with each other when they are about 10 years older. Whaddya say? Of course, that means you will have to move back home. tee hee hee.

  2. shelley johnson says:

    my favorite part of this post is the picture of the empty nest. lol nice addition!
    Sorry your week has been so stressful. I hope it’s all downhill from here.
    My confession:
    I don’t like teenagers, either. I’m soooo totally on board with Aimee’s post! Esp the part about their hormone-poisoned hearts! LOL
    I have no experience with teenage boys, but girls…… Ugh… I won’t even say b/c that would really depress you since you have two headed strait for adolescence.

    All I can say is: Stay solid mah sistas! (insert fist raised in powerful solidarity here) LOL

  3. My one year old doesn’t even compare to your four kids… but sometimes I just want to throw myself off a cliff. Like this morning. Or last night.. at 10:45, 11:12, 1:30, 2:15, & FOUR FOURTY FOUR. What I want to know is when the hell is my kid gonna start sleeping through the night??? Probably never. I don’t know how you do it. The good news is, now that he’s a teenager, that makes him closer to becoming human and the two of you will probably become “friends”…. as soon as he’s out of the house & in college. Worked for me & my mom. 🙂

  4. ZOHRMOM says:

    Ahhh…Sweet sounds of no back talk in my empty nest home. I confess that I sometimes miss having you and Zohrsis still living at home, and then conversations such as these come up and I realize that when I think I miss it I really and truly don’t.
    Big E and Zohrnephew both confirm this often!
    Someday, dear girls…SOME. DAY.

    • zohrbak says:

      I confess that I used to think you were mean. Now I know you were just resisting the urge to kill everyone around you.

      Thanks, for that, by the way. Love you.


  5. Summer says:

    This confirms what I suspected. I will not do well when my boys are teenagers. I have a horrible temper and an insane desire to have the last word. That’s probably an awful combination for a mother of a teen. My 10 yr old has (kinda) started being sassy. I get the whole, “thems fightin’ words” look on my face and it squashes the sass. One day I suppose he’ll call my bluff or I’ll have to take it to the street. Can my three just come live with you during their teen years?

    • zohrbak says:

      Summer, I was totally you. I had to have control and obviously that includes having the last word. Now, my main goal each and every day is to get through it without having to kill anyone and with as few words as possible. I have taken to writing because the constant back and forth and back and forth between my kids and I and with each other wears me right the hell out. I sometimes declare for absolutely no reason at all: “No one talk…anymore today. At all. Hush. Shut it. Shut! It!” It lasts for a few minutes and then they start the incessant talking again. So, I go to bed.

      And when your boys become teenagers they most certainly may NOT come and live with me. I’m doing my time, woman!!

  6. I’ve got three boys, 2, 4 and 7. Currently, they think my favorite thing to do is sleep, like it’s a hobby. If I try to sit down for a moment the boys literally start sitting or climbing on me. I yearn to be alone for a bit and my husband will say something inane like, “One day you’ll miss all this.” Bring it on, I say! But secretly, I know he’s probably right. In 25 years maybe.

  7. YaYa says:

    I just left Tween A’s school visiting with each of her teachers b/c her grades are NOT good. Apparently she spends her days doodling on paper and staring off into space. I asked what do we need to do and they said it’s the puberty. It keeps them from focusing. So I asked, what do I do… just get her through 5th grade and they said OH NO it just gonna get worse next year, but apparently 7th grade may be promising…

    Tell Big E I’m coming to get me an IPhone this weekend!!! I’m so excited!!!!!!!!!

  8. Zohrsis says:

    hmph…that’s about all I can say

  9. Miz Tiz says:

    Am I the only adult here who actually likes teenagers?

  10. Miz Tiz says:

    well, I’m going to be the “parent” of one next year (granddaughter coming to stay with me and go to LSUA). I’ll let you know what I think for real then. 🙂

  11. Catherine says:

    I feel your pain. I just want to beat mine most days. Some days I wonder if I will make it through the next 4 1/2 years.

  12. Miz Tiz says:

    you were once little hormone poisoned monsters yourselves, folks. The main good that has come out of this thread is a lot of frustration beautifully vented, and Zhorbak realizing the other point of view when she looks back on her own teen years with Zhormom and Zhorsis. One day, they will appreciate you too and understand.

    When H was a teenager was the most miserable years I have spent…………..she was so full of angst, and dressed like Edgar Allen Poe’s dreamgirl, and dated guys I was scared of……..they were all from out of town and so would come spend the weekend at our house……….I did not sleep at all during those weekends. When she went off to college and would return for holidays, we always got into a knock-down screaming match within 5 minutes of her entering the front door. Poor dad/husband would be forced to referee. Eventually she started calling home frequently just to chat, and now we are good buddies………..enjoy each other’s company and take pride in each other.

    It’s a rough, dark, lonely tunnel you go through (like Sartre’s existential No Exit) during those years………………..after many long, long, long passages you finally get a little light.

    At school, it’s different. I can appreciate the quirks of teenagers because I don’t have to raise them. I get to send them home at night. At school, I really do like them and enjoy their company…………otherwise I wouldn’t have 42 years hanging around them. I would have gone to work in an all adult office or something.

  13. Miz Tiz says:

    I love the way the teacher said the doodling and daydreaming was caused by “the puberty”—————-THE puberty sounds like a disease that is catching, which is a pretty damn accurate description.

    We’ve got one of those girls too in our family. I’m fearful for her sisters, ’cause one of these days she’s going to strangle them. Or, we’re going to strangle her. We all pray nightly to just let the period arrive soon, so some of these pre-pubescent monster characteristics will level off!

    We all know why in nature some animals eat their young. been there, stopped ourselves just in the knick of time.

  14. “Oh my God! You are killing me!”

    I and/or my wife have said that too many times. I knew it was too much when my three year old yelled at me and the one year old, “Dada, you and baby Grace aw ki-wen me wi’ aw dat racket!”

  15. Dear Ms. Z.,
    So that’s what an empty nest looks like! Mother Hen wouldn’t know.
    A teenage female has permanent PMS. That is the only way MH knows how to explain it. As for the males, well, there is no adequate explanation, now, is there?
    MH’s human friend Jodi used to say this to her know-it-all daughter: “Apparently it was a waste of time for me to live 24 years before you came along with all the answers.” That child is now a perfectly wonderful adult human being, so there IS hope.
    Unfortunately, you still have to let them live long enough to get there.
    Yours frazzledly,
    Mother Hen

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