Love You Sweet Valentine…Now Get off your Ass and DO SOMETHING!


Yesterday was a lovely day…I woke up to a gift by the coffee pot…an eternity band to replace the one I had stolen last year (Zohrhubby is slowly building my jewelry back up…one piece at a time) and a beautiful card with a hand-written, heartfelt message.  We had lunch together, and for supper he cooked steaks and gave Tween C a cute necklace and each of the kids a box of candy.  There was love in the air.  It was very nice.   It ended with us laying in bed watching a romantic movie.  Or, what I thought would be a romantic movie.  Instead, he got Secretariat…because he said he likes horses.  Almost twenty years I’ve known this man, and trust me when I say this:  He does NOT like horses.  The movie sucked.  But that was okay, because it was Valentine’s Day.  And we love each other.  It was beautiful.

Peace and Joy and Love and Happiness. Aaaaahhhhh.

This morning, life as usual picked right up where it last left off.  I got up at the ass-crack of dawn, nudged Big E out of bed, woke up Tween C, half-way dressed Little B and started begging Little A to wake up and climb down from the loft bed.  I cannot get up there to get her out of it, which means that I’m at her mercy as to whether she decides to cooperate or not.  Big E made the bus, and Tween C was getting her project board together and her hair and mascara “just so” when I finally had to get Zohrhubby to come and demand that Little A get out of the bed.  Finally, she did it…but he had to resort to counting.  [Oh NO!  Not the COUNTING!  Yes, the counting.]

 “A, get OUT OF THAT BED!”  “no.”  “NOW.”  “no, I’m sleepy.”  “OOOONNNNNNNEEEEE.”  “NO!”  “TTTWWWWWOOOOOOOO.”  “NO! NO! NO!       …    OKAY!!!!” 

I had done the same thing, just so ya know.  My counting does not come off quite as scary, apparently, because I got nothin’. 

His deed done, ZH slipped back into the bedroom, and I began to dress Little A.  She continued to fight the whole idea and made it very difficult to get her into her “lucky tights”.  I asked Tween C what time it was.  “7:12.”  CRAP. 

Little B still had no shoes or jacket on, no snack in his back pack (for the love of God, do not call this a “book sack” in his presence, by the way) and it was T minus 3 minutes until the bus would arrive.  For obvious reasons, this bus driver does not slow down and linger around my children’s stop, either.  They’d better be in their places with bright shiney faces or she’s likely to speed up and get on with her life.

“ZOHRHUBBY!” 

“What?”

“ARE YOU ON THE COMPUTER???”

“Yeah.”

“WELL….”

“What?”

“COULD YOU DO SOMETHING?”

“Do what?”

“ANYTHING!  DO ANYTHING.  B NEEDS SHOES AND A JACKET…JUST START WITH THAT!!”

By the grace of God, my children all caught their respective buses and got to school on time.  Zohrhubby did an appropriate amount of yelling and corralling once he was thusly prompted to do so.  I wasn’t sure what time he had to be at work, so I asked, “Okay, now…am I getting in the shower or are you?” 

“I am.” 

“Okay, well hurry up.  It’s 7:15.”

“Okay.”

He then meandered around the house in search of his coffee cup.  I just stood there and watched him walk around like Steve Martin in his bath robe shuffling around with his pants around his ankles.  (That’s a “The Jerk” reference, in case you didn’t know it.)

Oh, wait. That's not Steve Martin. Eh. Same, same.

I was late for work this morning, is really all I’m trying to tell you with this post.  And it was NOT my fault, either. 

Exhibit A.

Have a terrific Tuesday, all.

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About zohrbak

Zohrbak is an old email username I had a while back...it's a made-up twist on two characters from Spaceghost. Zorak and Brak. I'm a geek. I am a married, working mother of 4 children, ages 4-15. I also have interests outside of my children, but I can never remember what they are.
This entry was posted in bad kids, Bad mother, crazy kids, Family, Humor, Parenthood, School, The Joys of Parenthood, work and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Love You Sweet Valentine…Now Get off your Ass and DO SOMETHING!

  1. Summer says:

    Definitely the government’s fault. The boys take Tim’s threats a little more serious as well.

  2. YaYa says:

    I think I pee’d myself about the horses. Yeah, NO! Yahubby surprised me last night and came home with a box of chocolates and some yellow roses. I was sitting at the table in the kitchen and all of a sudden I hear someone opening my carport door, it’s dark out, didn’t see anyone drive up, he scared the F’in crap out of me and he was lucky he didn’t get SHOT!!

  3. ZohrCousin says:

    I remember driving out of the driveway a long time ago to bring the oldest to kindergarten and I had the youngest (two year old) along screaming and kicking my back seat. When it dawned on me that I had just left hubby sipping coffee and reading the paper. I pulled back into the driveway, hog-tied the screaming and kicking two year old, and knocked on the front door. He opened it looking surprised and I hoisted over the kid and said “why should I have all the fun”.
    I’d like to say that time has made a difference but it hasn’t.

    • zohrbak says:

      I’m not trying to say that Zohrhubby doesn’t do his fair SHARE with the kids, I’m just saying that he has to do half of all the work required when he is home, and ALL of it if I am not feeling well or I have, in the past thirty minutes or so, threatened to bury all the kids in the back yard.

      I can just picture ZChubby (wait…WHAT?) when he opened that door and had a screaming two year old thrust into his chest, spilling his coffee and ruining his relaxing morning. 🙂 Thanks for that visual!!

    • Miz Tiz says:

      What a woman!

    • Dear Ms. ZohrCousin,
      Mother Hen simply adores the line, “Why should I have all the fun?” and vows to use it at the next appropriate occasion — probably five minutes from now.
      Yours admiringly,
      Mother Hen

  4. I didn’t even get to go to work this morning… or school, for that matter. I woke up at 5:00 thinking Gabe had pink eye. We were in the ER (because his pediatrician’s office can’t operate a phone) from 7:30ish to 10ish. He doesn’t have pink eye. Wanna know what I took him to the bloody ER for? Bad. Allergies. Oh, yes. And to top it off, he’s been cranky since 5:00. In fact, he’s just started up again. So here I go… off to fetch my kid. 🙂 Happy late Valentine’s Day.

  5. Aimee says:

    ZChubby! HA! x87

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