In My Dream World. . .

1.  There’s no such thing as paperwork. 

2.  Cars require no maintenance or repair.  Never. 

3.  Children never get sick.

4.  Everything I cook tastes terrific.

5.  I haven’t burned a hole in my stomach with too much coffee and ibuprofen.

6.   There’s no such thing as “too much coffee.”

7.  My kid doesn’t need to be introduced to a new adult with a 3 page letter of explanation.

8.  There’s no such thing as Fibromyalgia.

9.  The temperature is always a perfect 68 degrees Fahrenheit. 

10.  Pollen is not a prerequisite for Spring.

11.  The cat doesn’t get into the house every time someone opens a door.

12.  My house is self-cleaning.

13.  Mary Poppins herself plants and maintains a vegetable garden in my back yard each year.

14.  I can buy a week’s worth of groceries for the amount of money I actually have budgeted for a week’s worth of groceries.

15.  The big dumb ugly white boat in my front yard doesn’t exist.  Never did.

16.  Witnesses who need to be interviewed before their depositions do not evade my phone calls and actually ARE “happy to help”.

17.  Medical records summarize themselves.  On demand.

18.  Health insurance pays 100%, 100% of the time.

19.  Kids don’t bother one another.  Or me. 

20.  Alarm clocks and coffee pots never fail you.

21.  My dog NEVER needs grooming.  And NEVER gets out of the fence and gets those little round green sticky things matted in her hair.

22.  Pipes don’t burst.

23.  Gas prices are reasonable.

24.  There are no deadlines. 

25.  Robots exist for the sole purpose of housekeeping and carpooling.

26.  People don’t suck.  

27.  I have an abundance of patience and don’t even know what “PMS” means.

28.  All my clothes fit right and every day is a good hair day.

29.  Money DOES grow on trees.

30.  All of my family and friends are happy and healthy.

31.  When spilled lemonade dries, it is not sticky.

32.  Procrastination is a highly regarded character trait and a sign of high intelligence.

33.  People empty their pockets of things like personal electronic devices and lipgloss BEFORE they put their dirty clothes in the hamper.

34.  War?  What war?

35.  My book has already been written and published.

How about YOU?


About zohrbak

Zohrbak is an old email username I had a while's a made-up twist on two characters from Spaceghost. Zorak and Brak. I'm a geek. I am a married, working mother of 4 children, ages 4-15. I also have interests outside of my children, but I can never remember what they are.
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10 Responses to In My Dream World. . .

  1. q says:

    1. I would not get into relationships that I know are doomed from the start.
    2. Break-ups would happen on their own, and I wouldn’t be left feeling like a dick for hurting someone else’s feelings.
    3. Men would exist only to look pretty, keep their mouths shut, and not have emotions.
    4. I would live on the beach and have aforementioned men (always between the ages of 20 and 25) serve me brunch and cocktails from noon until 5 pm, every day.
    5. Money would not exist.

  2. Mare says:

    I agree 100%. My additions would be:

    36. My husband thinks everything I do is wonderful and amazing.

    37. My children think I know everything and listen to all advise I give them.

    38. The cat could use the toliet so the litter box would never need to be changed.

    39. I could go on vacation whenever the mood struck me.

  3. YaYa says:

    Ditto!! My additions:
    40. My kid could do her homework by herself and not be confuse.

    41. I could teach the chihuahua to walk the bloodhound.

    42. My husband could actually plan a vacation, or small trip, so I wouldn’t have to be responsible and then him not be happy with what I picked out to do & then me have to listen to him, BITCH.

    43. I could eat anything I wanted and be a size 6 and not have flabby arms.

    44. Extract all hormones from my body from this point forward.

    45. Boiled crawfish would be FREE!!

  4. 1. I would know how to handle my kid when he throws a tantrum, which lately, is all the time.

    2. Gabe wouldn’t throw tantrums. Wouldn’t even know how to.

    3. My ex would just disappear.

    4. I could fast-forward through school.. have my degree.. and start doing something I want to do.

    5. I would never have the flu again.

    6. My car could pay itself off.

    7. WalMart would close… and we’d only have Super Targets.

    8. I’d make a perfect cake, everytime.

    9. My dream guy would come along and sweep me (and Gabe) off our feet.

    10. Folding clothes is good excersize & always guarantees a loss of 10 lbs.

  5. ZOHRMOM says:

    46. Bosses would show up daily and work.
    47. My work week would consist of 24 hours of my choice with a raise (also my choice)
    48. My yard would be beautiful
    49. I would take my hubby on a trip for at least a week a minimum of 3x/year
    50. I could call my girls and say, let’s go on a cruise, just the three of us. on ME!!!

  6. Aimee says:

    Wow…its amazing how different everyone’s wishes are.

    And its amazing how many of those wishes are so easily achieved…just a bit of effort.

  7. Miz Tiz says:

    1. I’d have the body I had at 35 and the psyche I have today.

  8. 51. Eating chocolate would make me lose weight.
    52. My whole family would think that I am just awesome.
    53. Dogs would not poop on our lawn.
    54. Crabgrass would be a decorative plant.
    55. Politicians would not lie. Ever.

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