Pocket Puppies, Spongebob Pinatas and Vacay, Oh MY!

So much going on right now, my crazy little head is spinning. 

Some of you are already aware that we got a diagnosis for Little B this week.  I’m emotionally disconnected it from it right now.  It’s not like it changes anything that we have already been going through for the last three years or so, but it solidifies our fears.  It’s hard to explain how something can give you hope and at the same time make you even more fearful of the future.  His diagnosis is Pervasive Developmental Disorder-NOS.  It’s a mild form of autism.  It’s what I’ve basically suspected for some time…but hearing a doctor confirm it brought up so many conflicting emotions I’ve all but blocked it out the last few days.  I was lucky to have been introduced to a group of mothers of autistic children recently, and their words and guidance have really made me feel terrific about our chances at a more normal future than our present.  I just went with that.  Yesterday, after Little B’s birthday party, we went to a friend of mine’s house to pick up a tiny secret puppy that we adopted, and I started talking to her about Little B’s diagnosis.  She has a 19 year old daughter who I’ve always recognized as “special” but I didn’t ask specific questions about what was the cause of her apparent problems.  My friend told me last night that she has a similar disorder as Little B, it’s called “Sensory Disintegration Disorder” and it’s also on the autistic spectrum.  Her daughter was diagnosed at age 7, and has been treated extensively.  I was immediately sad and disheartened when I realized that my friend’s struggles and therapy, in my honest opinion, haven’t really panned out as well as I have hoped that Little B’s will.  I have been assuming that at some point in near future, he will be “okay” and “normal” and the same as all the other kids.  This new realization sort of hit me like a ton of bricks.  What if he’s not?  What if he’s never “normal”.  And what the hell is “normal” anyway?  If he changes for what some people would think was the “better”, will he be the same kid?  I love him.  I don’t know if I ever want him to change.  But I don’t want him to stay the same, either.  I’m so conflicted now that I can’t even handle it.  I’m checking out for a while. 

On another note, Little B’s party was a humongous success.  He was giddy and excited and loved every minute of the attention and the Spongebob Cupcake cake, Spongebob pinata and his presents.  It was great.

The puppy is cute, but I’m already sort of over it.   The little kids have run around squeeling over the damn thing for the past 12 hour, and it whined all night because we weren’t holding it when it was supposed to be sleeping.  We were trying to think of names for the dog this morning.  Since she is tee-niny (that’s a southern word meaning ‘very small’ by the way), Big E asked me what the Spanish word for “Big” is.  “Hugo,” I replied.    “Oh, well what’s the feminine version of it?”  “There isn’t a feminine version.”  “What?!  Why not?  Aren’t there any fat chicks in Mexico?” 

Pocket Puppy.

So, if you can think of a good name that flows with my co-dependent dog, Daisy, who is scared to death of the tee-niny death machine that she just hides behind me and shivers, then please offer it up.  Right now the closest thing we’ve come to an acceptable name is Bella, and I’m not totally feeling that one. 

And finally, we (me and the kids) leave for vacation on Sunday.  We are meeting my friend and Dear Reader Just Aimee and her 4 boys in Fairfield Bay, Arkansas to stay until Thursday.  As Zohrmom indicated earlier, someone should notify the State of Arkansas that we are coming.  You know, just because. 

I’d also like to say that the words of encouragement and support that I’ve gotten from so many of you in the past week and even over the past few months have really made me feel better.  It makes me feel so much better to know that I’ve got a little team behind me.  Thank you.  I mean gracias.  Hugo time.


About zohrbak

Zohrbak is an old email username I had a while back...it's a made-up twist on two characters from Spaceghost. Zorak and Brak. I'm a geek. I am a married, working mother of 4 children, ages 4-15. I also have interests outside of my children, but I can never remember what they are.
This entry was posted in bad kids, Bad mother, crazy kids, Family, Humor, Parenthood, Pervasive Development Disorder, The Joys of Parenthood and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to Pocket Puppies, Spongebob Pinatas and Vacay, Oh MY!

  1. Gidget..? It means “small girl”.

  2. YaYa says:

    Little J had a great time at the Phon’Phon’ party. He told Big P about it multiple times when we got home. Small dog is adorable and I seriously considered adopting the last one but once I read you were OVER IT already, I was cured, So thanks! Have a great time on your vacay!!

  3. Miz Tiz says:

    So many feelings I’m experiencing here—-tears and laughter. So, here’s my take on it all:

    —the diagnosis and the autism mother group: all good things. “Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t know” on the diagnosis. “It’s better to hold hands when we cross the street and go out into the big world” on the support group. (paraphrasing “All I Ever Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten”). So glad I knew someone else with a mildly autistic son to put you in touch with.

    —your emotional roller coaster: see the above

    —you and Aimee B: yeah, I agree with your mom. Someone should notify the state of Arkansas that you are coming. In fact, I think I should go along as the chaperone. 🙂

    —tee-tiny dog name: I’ll be working on it. After all, I have many many canines and felines (the number keeps changing, but it is always between 5 and 10 at any given moment). Sometimes the animal itself tells you its name.

    —–YOU: I love you so much.

  4. Miz Tiz says:

    oh yeah, forgot one:

    —-Little B’s birthday party: super super supper do! 🙂 🙂 🙂

  5. Miz Tiz says:

    geeeez, how did supper get in there???

  6. Miz Tiz says:

    BETTER THE DEVIL YOU KNOW THAN THE DEVIL YOU DON’T KNOW. I am amazed that that little saying hasn’t made it to the younger generation. I’ve heard it all my life. It is soooooo true! See, I’m still teaching you stuff even now, Mz Zohrbak!

  7. I raised a son with a progressive illness and worked with many special needs children over the years.
    Before they are even born, we have so many hopes and dreams for our children. A diagnosis with life-long implications challenges those expectations in many ways. I remember watching my son busily build with blocks and thinking, “Maybe he will be an architect someday,” then it occurred to me that he probably wouldn’t.
    I decided then and there that I was not going to think that way. I took a good hard look at the reality of what he was facing, and then decided I would not put any pre-supposed limits on his life. My job as his mother was to help him be all that he could be, and celebrate his unique qualities, because he would need all the confidence and support I could give him.
    I had to resist the urge to coddle and protect him, although I could be a real Mama Bear when the occasion called for it!
    My son lived a much freer and joyful life than many others with his condition. At least some of that was because we determined to make his life as “normal” as we could, in every way that we could. He achieved many things that no one would have expected, and we encouraged him to go for it despite our inner fears and misgivings.
    Right now you are grieving the loss of some of those hopes and dreams, and that is a necessary process. I really do feel for you, because it is tough when you want so much for your child, and uncertainty is so hard to bear.
    I just want to reassure you that Little B. can have a good life and reach his potential in so many ways. With you as his advocate and champion (as I know you are and will be), he is so far ahead of the game already. By concentrating on his strengths and believing that he has the right to a full and rewarding life, you will give him wings.
    God bless you, your family and especially Little B.

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