Diabetes. . .

It’s Thursday, and I’m not sure if this is a confession…but we shall see how it plays out, Dear Readers.

I took Little B for a follow up appointment with his psychologist on Tuesday morning.  Usually, he is totally stoked about a trip to the doctor, especially one that he is well aware couldn’t possibly culminate in his receiving a shot.  I felt it best not to notify him of this upcoming appointment on Monday night, because his excitement inevitably results in gloating, to Little A specifically, which infuriates her and results in a total disintegration of any attempts at bedtime.  So, I withheld this information.

Tuesday morning, he was watching tv and I was getting ready.  At the appropriate time, I told him that we were going to the doctor, and he needed to take a bath.  He refused.  He wanted to watch tv.  I told him that we had to go and he needed to do what I said.  This sent him into a fit and I literally had to put him in the tub, and fight my way through a bath, then getting out of the bath, and then getting dressed.  He argued with me all the way to the office.  He kicked the back of my chair the whole way there.  Just before we got out of the car, he spotted a happy face pin in the cup holder. 

“What is that?” he asked.

“A happy face pin.” 

“Give it to me,” he said in a flat tone.

 “I’ll tell you what,” I winged it, “if you are good in the doctor’s office, I’ll give it to you when we leave.” 



He was an angel from the time we walked in to the office, until…well, you will see.

I really thought that the doctor’s appointment would be a waste of time.  At our last visit, he recommended that I purchase a book called “Social Stories” by Carol Gray.  I was overwhelmed after that visit, and dealt with that in my usual fashion, firstly by engaging in the activity of denial and evasion, and then shortly thereafter delving deep into the abyss of information overload and obsessive research.  I considered the “Social Stories” book, and then decided that it seemed to be a very passive approach for dealing with such an “aggressive” problem. 

Several weeks later, last week to be exact, I finally decided that this book might be exactly what Little B and I need, so I ordered it. 

I reported to the doctor everything that had transpired since our appointment last month:  the successful two-family vacay (in large part to Just Aimee’s research, patience and ability to gain Little B’s trust) and then the chaos that ensued upon our return home.  I cried and told him that I was sad about it all, that I was resentful that we could no longer go to church as a family, that I did blame the sunday school teachers for a while for not wanting to deal with him, that I worried about school starting and dealing with their rejection again as well. 

And then the doctor told me something that hit the nail on the head.  It was the best advice I think I’ve ever been given by anyone at any point in my life, and came at the exact right moment.  He said, “You have got to stop taking this so personally.  Your son has a legitimate problem, and it must be handled correctly for it to improve.  Think of it this way, if he had diabetes, then you’d be in a similar situation.  You couldn’t just leave him with anyone.  You would have to make sure that whoever’s care he was in was educated on how to manage his condition.  If his blood sugar dropped, and they called you in to take over, then you wouldn’t get your feelings hurt about it, you would do it without thinking.  If the church staff wants to get educated on how to manage his condition, then that’s great.  If they aren’t willing to do that, then you simply can’t take him.  Luckily, the school is required to do this, so hopefully once that process is started, you won’t face the same kinds of problems that you did last year and the year before.  But for now, you have to learn to manage him yourself, and then we will work toward the extra stuff.”

I felt empowered immediately.

During the visit, Little B nonchalantly began digging in my purse, and found a dollar.  “Mom, can I have this dollar?”  “B, if you continue to be good until we get home, then I will give you that dollar and the happy face pin you found earlier.”  “Okay!” 

When we were leaving, I put a $20 bill on the counter to pay my $15 co-pay.  B picked it up and asked if that was his dollar.  “No, B, that’s $20, and you have to give it to that lady to pay for your visit today.”  “Okay.”  And he did.  She pulled out a $5 bill, and before I could stop her, she handed to it Little B.  My heart sank.  This was going to be a problem.  I asked him to give it to me, and he said no.  He said that it was his.  I told him that it wasn’t his, took it from him, and put it in my purse.  In retrospect, this might have been the wrong thing to do, at least at that moment, but it is what it is.  From that point forward, he was impossible.  He laid on the floor, kicked the wall, demanded his $20, his $5, his $1, and his happy face pin.  I had to force him to the car, into the car, and into a seat belt.  The entire way home, he yelled and screamed and kicked the seat and hit the window.  He screamed until his voice began to give way.  I can only imagine what the people in the cars alongside us must have thought.  But for the first time, I didn’t care.  I didn’t speak a word to him.  I drove home, my hands gently on the wheel as opposed to white knuckled, and thought over and over and over in my head, “DIABETES….DIABETES….DIABETES….DIABETES….”

I guess my confession today is this:  There is something wrong with my son.  And it’s not my fault.  And it’s not his fault.  And we are going to learn how to manage it.  Him and I, together.  Those who choose to join us are welcome to do so.   

Something wrong, but so many more things RIGHT. I Love you, baby.


About zohrbak

Zohrbak is an old email username I had a while back...it's a made-up twist on two characters from Spaceghost. Zorak and Brak. I'm a geek. I am a married, working mother of 4 children, ages 4-15. I also have interests outside of my children, but I can never remember what they are.
This entry was posted in Blogging., Confession Thursday, crazy kids, Family, Humor, Parenthood, Pervasive Developmental Disorder, School, Spirituality, The Joys of Parenthood and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

23 Responses to Diabetes. . .

  1. YaYa says:

    It is what it is!!! & I’m along for the ride!!!!! He gave me the sweetest kiss this morning and a pretty red balloon

  2. Glad that you are feeling empowered! One thing’s for sure: you will be fine, and more importantly, so will he. Looks to me like he’s got an awesome support team. Most mommas don’t even bother looking into the problem & instead give way to their kids… you’re not doing that, & I admire you for it. Hope y’all are well!

  3. Miz Tiz says:

    sending love and hugs and a shoulder to lean on anytime you need it. If you need a backup person to go to school with you when the time comes for conferences, I most definitely will.

    • zohrbak says:

      Really? You will? Omigosh. Wanna meet at Kroger’s after work so I can kiss you? Just kidding. Sort of. THANK YOU!

      • YaYa says:

        GO MZ. TIZ. !!!!

      • Miz Tiz says:

        of course I will. I wouldn’t have said so if I didn’t mean it. You do the talking and I’ll be your backup. I haven’t been in the School System since forever for nothing!

  4. Mreffus824 says:

    you know you got help and friends if you need us 🙂

  5. Zohrmom says:

    I am definitely there!

  6. Zohrsis says:

    I love his explanation…very simple and straightforward, and just plain common sense really lol.

  7. Just Aimee says:

    :-). This blog made me feel so good about B and his progress. I think that doctor is a genius. That’s absolutely the BEST way you could possibly look at it. So great! You can’t expect to not have setbacks & bad days, I mean, that’s par for the course with ANY child, but again, such a great way to think about it!

    My confession is that today I forgot to mail Lil B’s letter. Its in the outgoing mail box at my office. Tomorrow.

    Hug Lil B for me. ….Little A too. Lol. I can’t have her all P’d at me again. 😛

    • Miz Tiz says:

      I think the doctor sounds wonderful too…………what a beautiful analogy and look at what confidence it instilled. I feel very hopeful and positive about the future for him with that kind of professional help. Aimee, your help too seemed to have helped a tremendous lot. I’m proud to have been allowed back into your lives on a small basis. You have become great women.

    • zohrbak says:

      My confidence in the doctor was there, but now it is multiplied ten-fold. He made me feel so relieved. And I think that will go a long way toward helping B.

  8. Yeah, Little B isn’t going to handle change easily. It is part of his nature.
    If you can’t tell him the night before about going to the doctor, try at least telling him first thing in the morning. He needs some lead-in time to adjust.
    Also maybe you could try a bit of a carry-over approach when changes are going to happen…like if he holds his favorite stuffie while he watches TV, and then gets to take it with him. See if that helps at all.
    I’m rooting for the two of you!

    • I am currently reading Temple Grandin’s book, Thinking in Pictures, and I highly recommend it to you. Anything that you can find written by high-functioning or Asperger’s people like Temple would be so valuable to you in coming to better understand Little B.

      • zohrbak says:

        I recently saw the movie, and that book is definitely on my list. Thanks again, Jodi. 🙂

      • I realized today it is possible that I have Asperger’s.
        I have taken 4 online tests, and three indicated that I am likely to have it, and the 4th put me just slightly below the range in symptoms. I need to see my doctor and start asking questions. If I do have Asperger’s, it would be a real game-changer, not so much because my treatment might need to be adjusted but mostly because it would make me rethink who I am.
        I have always related to children with autism — I found so much of their behavior understandable, even logical sometimes. Maybe now I know why. Little B and I may have more than a few things in common. We shall see.

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