Lately, I feel like a crazy person. My kids are all over the place and I spend half of my time trying desperately to calm myself down so I can squelch the urge to choke them. I know that you know that I tend to exaggerate things, but I’m totally serious about this. They are MAKING ME NUTS.
Big E “ran away to home” this past weekend. He abruptly left Ya Ya’s house in anger on foot, sans shoes…with no cell phone or wallet, and when an hour or so passed and he didn’t return, we began searching for him.
After nearly 5 hours of desperate searching and turning up nothing, we drove home, slowly, looking both ways and trying to see if maybe he was walking toward home. We had to drive through some pretty scary neighborhoods. I held in my tears because I knew that it would upset Teen C, who was already very upset and worried. We saw nothing. I put the kids to bed, and Zohrhubby went back out to drive another route. And at 11 p.m., he walked in my back door.
From the route I can only surmise that he took, I think he walked about 15 miles. He had huge holes in his tar-black socks and he was exhausted. So was I, along with everyone who loves and cares about our family. I was overwhelmed with emotions. Anger, fear, frustration, sadness and physical PAIN. I wanted to impart a little bit of that last emotion to him, but I figured walking all that way in his socked feet through cracktown in the middle of the night was punishment enough. I let it alone, and alerted the authorities of his return. We went to bed, but sleep wouldn’t come for a long time. I’ve had a little trouble sleeping ever since.
You guys know about Big E. I’ve written enough in these virtual pages for you to get the jist. He’s a less-than-enthusiastic-participant in life in general. This was obviously a cry for help. But what sort of help, exactly, do you think he’s crying out for? Because I haven’t a clue. When I try to talk to him about it, he shuts down again.
Dumb, stupid, ridiculous. Parenthood is just dumb.
Just when you think you’ve sort of maybe got things figured out (and let’s be clear here, Zohrstruly has NEVER claimed to have any such thing “figured out”) everything goes all berzerko on you and you end up sitting on your butt in the back yard looking up at the night sky and asking, “What the HELL was THAT ABOUT?” and waiting endlessly for an answer that never comes.
On top of all of that complete and total dysfunction, Little B’s new medication is starting to “wear off”. If I had any doubts about the medicine working, I don’t have them anymore. School is once again a mini-nightmare every day, and every evening and morning is filled with fights, screaming, crying, stomping, and utter defiance. But I’m trying not to be so temperamental. Just kidding. The kids’ craziness is amplified by the distance around the sun since the meds have stopped working. Luckily, we have an appointment tomorrow to talk to the doctor about increasing the dosage.
Maybe I could get the doctor to write me a script for Sanity while I’m there. I wonder what my copay is for that Tier of medication? Probably something like my first born. Eh. Okay.
I’m trying to maintain some level of a sense of humor about my life. So far, so good.