Crazy Person Update


Yeah.  I’m still crazy. 

 

It’s possible that I’m even crazier.  Maybe. 

I don’t know why I let all this stuff get to me.  It’s not like it’s not the constant ingredients of my life, just mixed up in different doses depending on the current circumstances.  Right now, Little B is the sugar [FIRST REPORT CARD:  ALL A’S.  YAYYYY!];  Big E is the horseradish [Seriously, kid?  Seriously?], Little A is the spice [I like bumper cars!]; and Teen C is the binding agent that keeps it all together.  I’m no cook, but I’m assuming that makes her an egg or something.  She should take that as a compliment, but if she read this, she’d say that I’m mean.  Let me explain:

Teen C’s working on a paper for school, an autobiography about her long 13 year old life.  Chapter One was her family history, which was sort of a bust.  I told her all the stories about my grandparents that I knew, and then I told her to email Zohrmom for more stories.  Of course, she waited until the last minute and Zohrmom’s initial response was “All the stories I know are not appropriate for Junior High School.”  Teen C put this as a direct quote in her paper.  So now, her teacher probably thinks that my entire family is made up of prostitutes, drug dealers and heathens.  Of course, my mother thought of some stuff she could have used a day or two later, but by that time, the visual had already been drawn for the teacher, the damage had been done.  I doubt whatever story my mother remembered could’ve helped that.  The next chapter which she is now working on is about her birth and her life as an infant.  She’s got a list of specific (and by specific I mean SPE-CIFIC) questions.  Last night, she started asking them of me.

“What did you do to prepare for my birth?”

“Um.  I had a baby shower, I think.  No, wait, I didn’t have a shower.  But I set your room up and stuff.”

“Mom.”

“What?  What do you want me to say?”

“I meant EMOTIONALLY.  How did you prepare for the birth of your first daughter EMOTIONALLY?”

“Most pregnant women are emotional, C, so I’m sure I was too.”

“Omigod.  Okay.  Whatever.  What would my name have been had I been a boy?”

“Um.  I don’t know.  I’ll have to look in your baby book.  Go to the next question.”

“Okay.  How did you announce my birth?”

“Well, a birth announcement ran in the paper.”

“Really?  You ran an article in the paper about me?!” 

“Yeah.  Totally.”  (I neglected to mention that this sort of just happens somehow, and that I didn’t really have to do anything.)

“Wow.  Okay.  Next:  What was my first word?”

“Um.  I’ll have to look in your baby book.  Next?”

“Mom!  You don’t know what my first word was?!”

“C.  It’s been 13 years.  I’m sure it’s in your baby book!”

“Do you even know where my baby book IS?!”

”     . . .     ”

“MOM!”

So, I was told that I’m a terrible mother and that I should feel really really bad about that.  I did, too, for a second. 

I hope I can find that damn baby book. 

A wise woman once said that you know you have a lot of kids when you stop writing every detail of every thing in every blank in their baby books.  My response was that you know you have a lot of kids when the last two don’t even HAVE baby books.  I know, I should be ashamed.  But life has been too hectic for such frivolities.  I think self-degrading blog posts about their childhood is the gift that keeps on giving.  It’s a living, breathing memoir.  And also it  doubles as free therapy for crazy mamas like me. 

"Who Let Mom Have Caffeine?"

Advertisements

About zohrbak

Zohrbak is an old email username I had a while back...it's a made-up twist on two characters from Spaceghost. Zorak and Brak. I'm a geek. I am a married, working mother of 4 children, ages 4-15. I also have interests outside of my children, but I can never remember what they are.
This entry was posted in bad kids, Bad mother, Blogging., crazy kids, Family, Humor, Parenthood, The Joys of Parenthood and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Crazy Person Update

  1. spiceblogger says:

    LOL!!!
    I think it’s sweet that you refer to Teen C as an egg–the most important binding agent in a recipe. She should be flattered.

    And for your sake, I hope you find that baby book! LOL

  2. I HAVE baby books for my boys. Cody’s book is pretty filled up. Aron’s has SOME stuff in it. Cole has a few pics and quick scribbles and Jakes has like 1 picture, and his name. Its the same with baby pics with mine. I do feel bad about that, sorta.

    Z, I don’t really remember the first words of any of my kids. Honestly, I think thats a dumb thing to try to keep up with. I mean, come on, kids start making noises when they are like 3 months old. Which NOISE do we count as a REAL word? All babies say DA DA DA DA. Are they saying Daddy? I’m sure Daddies want to think so, but I’m betting not. My kids sometimes also mumbled things that sounded like SHIT….did they really say SHIT? maybe. LOL. My older two boys both seemed like silent children (other than the unexplained wordy-noises, lol) until they were about 2 yrs old. Cody woke up one day, at 2, after not having spoken more than a few wordy noises, and said something comparable to “Hello, dear Mother, what sort of fantastic breakfast will you be conjuring up this morning. I feel pancakes are a wonderful option.” Seriously, like 0 to full vacab overnite. So, who knows about that first word stuff. They should be glad I remember that the talked at all. LOL.

    I do however have certain memories of special things they did, special moments, interesting injuries, conversations with them that stick out in my mind. They all, early on, made an impression with THOSE things. Cody, for a long time swore there was an angel in the corner of his bedroom at night. He doesnt remember it now, but what 4 yr old makes that up. HE made ME believe in angels. THOSE are the remarkable things.

    They continue to do that every day….impressing me with who they are, and who they are becoming. Tell Teen C about those moments, you should be just fine WITHOUT THE BOOK. 🙂

  3. Miz Tiz says:

    Oh Aimee——that sounds like the family of 4 kids I grew up in. I was the oldest and the only one that got a real baby book. Poor little Jane, the youngest, didn’t even have a good home photo of herself till she was already up and walking. And my brother Nippy was like your Cody.

    And—–goodness knows, Z all the stuff you’ve written for and about them, esp. the personalized notes on their birthdays, waaaaay makes up for the lack of a baby book. And Teen C can take that to the bank.

  4. pshhh. Gabe doesn’t even have a baby book. Actually, he has two. Neither of them have a stitch of info. I could totally regift if I wanted to. Who has time for baby books anymore, anyway?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s